Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Dear God,

Sometimes an impulse of gratitude will charge me to do something; oftentimes it is simply a gesture of love. It may strike me at a grocery store, at church, in my home, at the hospital, in the car, in nature, all kinds of places. Often my arms slowly rise upward in the form of prayer.

Gratitude is a condition of the heart, soul and mind. It is a feeling, an emotion, a scene, a belief that something good, something insightful or illuminating is/has touched a life. It may be caused by a magnificent sunrise, the smile of a child, a couple holding hands, an answer to prayer, a healing, hope arising out of ashes, an unexpected grace, one person giving to another, someone helping a person in need, a ministry that is changing lives, a sudden joy. Any and all of these happen every day. When I gaze upon such a scene, my heart is inspired. I feel life is good, not only for me but for the world. I see a loving landscape where it appears that love is being lived out, not just for one person but for many. And I am led to offer my thanksgiving.

What I have discovered is when my daily life experience is filled with difficulty, when the way looks dismal and threatening, when storms comes, when the light appears to give way to the darkness, these are the moments when I am greatly challenged to look around, to explore the deeper dimensions of life, to watch and wait for sudden sightings of the sacred. I have learned that your holy presence is still being revealed. In these time swatches my heart is warmed, my spirit is renewed. For a moment in time everything else stops and all I can see is you. Tears naturally form in my eyes. And I lift my arms in praise.

Especially these last weeks of my life have been hard, difficult, filled with emotion. Some things I simply can't get my mind around. I have had to surrender each day, giving into your hands whatever it is that has plagued me. And part of this surrender has included opening myself to the divine action in human history. Life is not all about me. The world has not stopped because I am hurting. The best way for me to live during these arduous times is to study the skies, the earth, its creatures. In other words I look at life around me. When I am able to move beyond my teeny world, I can see creation at its finest. I can observe the ways in which you are moving in space all around me. Your love is evident; your compassion is being offered; your mercy is being felt. The strength of heaven is entering your children giving courage and faith. I am inspired.

One such moment happened to me. I had been given the privilege of helping a couple. After I left I felt some of my own darkness lift. I drove into a hospital parking lot at dusk. A misty rain was falling from swollen gray clouds. I put on my signature song, "As a Deer Pants", opened my car door wide, stepped out of my car onto the pavement and I danced. I danced my gratitude, my heartfelt thanks for your presence invading my own heart. As tears formed melding with the foggy mist, indeed the world was still around me as I offered up my grateful praise. As I ended the dance and climbed back into the car, I felt the moisture on my tender heart. It was like manna that fell upon the Israelites when they were hungry. I was full.

Tender-hearted God,
so full
of grace
and love
for your children,
let gratitude
find a
permanent home
in my heart.
Let me always
be watchful
for the sacred,
for the divine,
for you.
And then
lift my heart
to express
my gratitude
for you
are worthy
to be praised
every moment
of every day.

Love, Andrea