Monday, September 28, 2009

My dear God,

As I sat in my common room, I watched out the window as leaves fell from the tree. I've been watching the brilliant red creep into the veins of green and then turn brown. At some point directed by nature's own source, the leaves are giving way to the spirit breeze scattering along the trunk. And if I do not rake up the dead, they will fly with the wind to my neighbors' yards.

This process reminds me of life and death occurring all the time. It is you, O Lord, who directs this transforming process. The seasons of change are subtly occurring every moment in time.

There are seasons when I want to pick up the beautiful leaves and reattach them to the tree. I do not want them to let go, to lose their beauty, to become bare. I do not want the next season to claim the last. I want time to stand still. But, alas, I do not have the power.

I too am in the season of change. Death has been rising up in me as well. My many million human cells are dying and falling. New cells are being born. I cannot stop this pilgrimage from life to death and death to life. It is normal, natural, a process of regeneration.

There are some parts of my life, dear God, that I do not want to surrender. Memories of my former life are locked away, protected from the environment of change. Sometimes I want to relive them. Although I do not have to let go, I am reminded that certain attitudes and beliefs cannot transition without the letting go process. These prized moments belong to me but the way in which I look at them sometimes hinders me from growing. Stunted and stagnant, I remain the same, unwilling to allow you to transform me from day to day, week to week, year to year.

As I reflect with an open heart, I realize that trusting you softens those stubborn, hard places. When I trust you more, I am enabled to become part of the changing environment. I recognize that new beauty is forming. New opportunities for growth will reveal themselves. Tender shoots will pop up. All this is intended to happen because you do not desire me to remain the same. Why? Because I will let down my roots and sometimes they will entangle themselves causing serious problems. When the natural process is not allowed to take place, disease can take hold. My inner spirit can begin to rot and my vitality can be lost. Such a process can cause me to become self centered making myself the center of the universe. I can forget whose I am and why I exist.

When I dig deeper, I realize I must release life's hurts, disappointments, resentments, my bitter places, and my desire to keep something the way it was even when it is absolutely impossible. If I do not surrender these pieces of my life, I will be paralyzed, bound to my own suffering. Like the tree I must open my palm and let your spirit breath sweep them up. A new artist's rendering of my life will be possible only as I give you what I hold.

It is
the season
of change,
O God,
time to
let go again.
Time to
trust, to
anticipate your
living presence
moving in
my midst.
You are
the divine
power source,
the only power
than can transform
a human life,
especially mine.
O God,
make me
like my tree,
free to
surrender,
willing to
let go,
desirous of following
your lead.
I pray
with hope
that your
spirit breath
will move me.

Love, Andrea