Saturday, September 19, 2009

My dearest God,

I went home last night. I was welcomed. I felt safe, happy and full of joy.

For months I have been searching for home, that feeling of contentment, a settledness that would allow me to let down my roots again. I was lost; I wandered, not sure where my home was. With a few bare essentials like hope, courage, trust and faith I finally found my way home.

Lost. It's a terrible feeling. I had so many losses to face over the last couple of years. I let my losses rule my heart and mind. I had so much grief that I sat down and formed a puddle of tears where I lived. There were days when I could not stand long enough to walk away, to find the path home. On other days I didn't want to draw another breath. I wanted it all to be over. I wept hard. I thought to myself that there were not enough heart pieces to put my heart back together. But then I would hear a stirring, that kind of divine shakedown where I was certain I was being called to sit up and take notice.

You never left my side. I always had a sense that you were nearby although I could not always see, hear or feel you. Being sucked down like quicksand, I felt this source never letting me go down further than my neck. Although I couldn't move to get myself out, you held my head above the deep so I could listen to your gentle murmurings. You helped make sense of my sorrows and you spoke words of hope to me even when I wanted to turn my hearing off. Even though my heart tried desperately to stop so I couldn't feel any more pain, you surged your love into it, pumping me full of divine agape love that affectionately held me.

I am home now, home in a physical, emotional and spiritual sense. I am here because you destined it. I am deeply grateful.

Home.
I am home.
You lead me.
You loved me.
You listened
to me.
You tended
to my wounds.
You helped me.
You cared
for me.
You whispered
grace and mercy
to me.
You guided me.
You held
my hand.
You revealed
the way.
You are God;
there is
no other.

Love, Andrea