Friday, April 30, 2010

My dearest God,

As I awakened this morning I was thinking about the dry, dusty cracked earth in parts of the world where people suffer daily. I thought of people forgotten by those who have so much. I reflected upon the lives of millions who are starving, who feel forsaken, and who have been left to die in regions where there are little or no resources.

I do not want to forget these men, women and children. I do not want to forget their plight. I do not want to forsake them. I want to do my part.

Teach me,
O Lord,
to love
my forgotten
brothers and sisters.
Teach me
to give
more lavishly,
more sacrificially.
Retool my hands
for service,
for love,
for compassion
and mercy,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dearest God,

For the last three weeks at least once each day my husband has gone outside and inspected the sizable area where I cleared, leveled, raked, brought in top soil and planted patch, a combination of grass seed, fertilizer and mulch lawn repair. Daily he would ask why it hadn't come up yet. Patience, I would tell him, patience. Yesterday he reported the good news that at last we had new grass rising from the fresh earth.

Patience, how many times have you told me to be patient? How many situations have brought me to my knees waiting, waiting, waiting for new life to begin? Every time I had to go to you in prayer to learn that in due season my answers would come. You would breathe on me a willing spirit so that I could see your glory come.

When I pray for patience, I know a trial will come teaching me to quietly wait on you. I always know what a challenge it will be; yet, who does not want to learn from you? Who does not want to grow in faith and mature in wisdom? Who does not want knowledge tinged with grace?

Bend my spirit
to yours,
O God;
make me
into your image.
I want
to be patient,
to learn
your ways,
and to celebrate
your quiet movement.

Love always, Andrea

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dear God,

How did color come into the world? How did no color become bright red, fuchsia or baby's breath white?

I don't remember a more beautiful spring. The purples and pinks are so brilliant, the yellow so bold and white, well, white against the blue sky is positively radiant.

Today I stood mesmerized by my azaleas. A few days ago I felt the same way as I gazed upon the dogwood tree out front. I can hardly wait for my iris to pop open.

All this beauty
comes from you,
Master Gardener.
You sprinkle color
into the world,
one color
at a time.
Teach us
to contemplate
the earth
and all
its resources,
always giving thanks.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My dearest God,

I recently came upon a fear that had been locked away deep inside me for 30 years. I thought when it was over, it was over. But it wasn't.

What I have learned from you I can't begin to contain on paper. Your revealing power coupled with your loving grace continues to uncover things within my own soul. Like a gleaner looking for leftover grain, you search my inner being for anything that hinders my own growth and faith. When I least expect it, you bring it to the surface so that I will know this part of my hidden self. Then you prod me, challenging me to address issues about which I may not be aware. It may create some discomfort and actual pain; however, my awareness makes me take responsibility to move toward healing and wholeness. Eventually the torn places are healed, warmed with love, and filled with grace.

You are
the great healer,
abba father.
Your warm hands
touch me
bringing healing salve
to unhealed places.
Then your joy
fills me
to capacity.
What kind
I say
to you,
Kind Shepherd Who Cares For Every Lamb?

Yours forever, Andrea

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dearest God,

How good you are! How kind and generous! How powerful and loving!

I listened to myself laugh, I mean really laugh. I got tickled at myself for laughing so hard. It took some years to find my deep laughter that had gone underground during turbulent soul weather. Today I realized you had returned my laughter back to me.

I am convinced that all the resources we need for meaningful human living are within us. Maybe they are only undeveloped seeds; however, with the right kind of help, guidance, encouragement and support the seeds will grow and mature. I have watched withering seeds finally take root and produce the fruits of the spirit. It all happens because each seed has a bit of you in it.

Thank you,
Loving God,
for seeds
of faith
that help
the soul
to find
its well
of plenty.
You are all
we need,
dear God,
because I believe
you have planted
a garden
of abundance
inside ourselves.
My well
of gratitude
is overflowing.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, April 25, 2010

My dearest God,

Yesterday while driving back from Knoxville, Tennessee in the rain for nearly seven hours, I listened to hymns and sang aloud the gospel songs of the 1950's. While the threatening skies and crazy semi drivers steering their rigs down the mountains at 80 miles an hour, I sang with the angels and saints. Ordinarily I would not have driven so far in bad weather especially when leaving Tennessee in the late afternoon but I had a special place to be this morning at 10:00 a.m. I was determined to get back to celebrate your magical, mystical, and mysterious workings in Bethel United Methodist Church!

Pulling up into the driveway I saw on the outside their transformation: new building, new parking lot, new landscaping. On the inside I saw happy, enthusiastic people filled with joy, purpose, hope and faith. It was a glorious day indeed, one we had looked forward to for I suppose a couple of decades. Our dream was fulfilled with the new Family Life Center, kitchen, closets and restrooms.

As we sang and worshipped and prayed and supped on the divine manna from heaven, we knew whose presence we were in. You had guided, cleaned up, challenged, prayed over, helped, ministered to, healed, directed and guided us. At times we felt the sting of pain as we failed to be the full people you asked to be. We were human and acted too human at times. Sometimes we went in circles, not quite sure where the exit was located. At other times we wept, feeling loss, disappointment, confusion and frustration. But always, always you were with us, picking us up, wiping away our tears, encouraging us and leading us to the promised land of faith and love.

I witnessed the fruits of our labor and your work. When persons mumbled kind words to me, I simply shared, "I figure God did it and we all helped out." I know whose project it was, whose power made it happen and whose help made it possible.

Most Gracious God,
by whose hand
all good things happen,
our hearts
are full
of thanksgiving
and praise.
You have
once again
revealed yourself
and we
who have
seen you
are deeply grateful.

Love always, Andrea

Saturday, April 24, 2010

My dearest God,

I sat in my friend's church and let its walls tell me about Rose. I looked up into the choir loft and imagined her sitting in her choir chair singing praise to the source of her life. I imagined her in her sewing club and knitting club as she sewed and knitted objects to be given to those in need. I thought about her sitting at the bedside of those in hospice and on the phone with those contemplating suicide. I considered her walking beside and talking with Aids patients for years. I drew in her laughter, her silliness (her daughter called her goofy), her concerns and her friendship. I listened to her prayers for others and the recitation of the Apostle's Creed when she needed extra sustaining power. I watched her hugs fly around the church for anyone not nailed down. I sang with her our favorite song Great is thy Faithfulness. I remembered our sisterhood in Fort Wayne and I smiled. But more than all this I felt her strength and courage coming out of her faith in you and like the other 200 some odd other friends sitting in the pew, I wept her loss and gave thanks for her life.

Thank you
for my friend
Rose,
for her love,
her friendship,
her support,
her funny,
witty ways
and especially
for her faith.
I am blessed
to have
known her
and called her
friend.
I am grateful
for who
she was
and all
she touched
and inspired.
You walked
in her shoes,
gave her
your heart
and hands
and she
used them well.
Thank you.

With a grateful heart, Andrea

Friday, April 23, 2010

My dearest God,

I did not expect such a sweet time with you on my drive to Knoxville, Tennessee. When I left home, I told my husband I would use the seven hour drive as a time of prayerful reflection. I began by thinking of my friend Rose who recently died of ovarian cancer, the reason for my brief trip south. I reflected upon our friendship in Fort Wayne, Indiana when we were members of the same church, had children the same ages and shared many activities together. Our claim to fame was the call that came from a local newspaper reporter who was writing a special feature on friendship. He wanted Rose and me to be the lead article. Our laughing faces were spread wide on the paper as they shared details of what it means to be a friend. Rose and her husband Ed drove all the way from Tennessee to share with me in my retirement celebration. We all three cried together. I loved Rose.

Thinking about my friend lead me to ruminate upon my daughter Jenni who also was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. While I wept about the loss of Rose, I cried tears of gratitude for Jenni because she was spared continuous treatment and death. She is alive, gave birth to her second child nearly six years ago and will run the mini marathon in a couple of weeks.

Over the course of the next several hours you rained down blessing on me. I thought about my husband, children and grandchildren. I thought of other friends and churches I had served. When I put on a CD I had not listened to in a very long time, I teared again as I thought of the many women who had found peace, hope and comfort in Songs for the Inner Child. I recalled many healings, insights, visions and revelations that had come in the last several decades.

In my mind I mulled over the growth of my own faith as you sought me out, challenged me in my stuck places and nudged me to move, to let go and take steps forward. As the sun began to shine after a couple hours of rain, I took in the awesome beauty of your creation and more tears flowed as I realized and acknowledged the wonderment of your presence in the cosmos, even in the tiny spot where I was and I was exceedingly grateful.

You are
the brightest spot
in my life,
O God.
There is nothing
you will
not do
for your children.
What reminiscing joy
I felt today
and all because
you took me
on a journey
to gratitude.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, April 22, 2010

My dearest God,

Your fingerprints are all over the transformation I am observing around me. When life is seen through a particular lens, it is difficult to imagine that a transformation could take place. Things look so black and white, like the mixing of the two would be impossible. Yet, as soon as you step in in surprising, unexpected ways, everything is up for grabs.

I have watched with great interest the changing of persons in my midst. At times when laughter rolls I hear your voice as the wave of joyous sound rises. I see your smile looking back at me and I know through faith a life has been changed.

I know
a miracle
when I
see one
and I
am looking
at miracles.
Your ability
to alter
the heart,
make adjustments
to the mind
and bring
new life
to the dead
wells up
within me
a spirit
of gratitude.
Thank you,
O God,
for your
merciful, compassionate care.
I will
love you always.

Forever yours, Andrea

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My dearest God,

As I sat painting my granddaughter's bedroom, my five year old red-headed granddaughter asked me a question. "Grandma, why do people cry?" "Well," I said, "sometimes they cry because they are sad and sometimes because they are happy." "Right," she responded, sometimes people see something very beautiful and they cry."

Stella is so right. Sometimes people do see something very beautiful and they are stirred to tears. I think Stella takes after you, dear God. She has a special regard for people, animals, flowers and tadpoles.

Today she was looking into my contemplative garden pond and she told me she saw fish swimming. I knew there were no fish, first, because we have had no rain and the pond is way down. Secondly, all my fish died a couple of years ago during a blizzard that covered the pond. But she was insistent so I stepped over to the pond. Sure enough there were wiggling things in the pond scum. Tadpoles, hundreds of tadpoles. Stella was enamored with these tiny creatures. To her they were beautiful. We didn't collapse into tears over their beauty but clearly, she loved the little critters and wanted to take care of them.

Oh, to be like little Stella with a great sense of beauty. Oh, to be like a child who sees things through your eyes and is called to action!

Thank you
for Stella
and for tadpoles.
Thank you
for the wonder
of life.
Thank you
for beauty
that comes
in all
sizes and shapes.
Thank you
for great displays
of the sacred
and divine.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

My dearest God,

Last week I learned again that we do indeed model life for others. People are always watching, especially you. If I am kind and generous, others will be inspired to give. If I am unkind and stingy, others will look at me as a pastor and think it's okay to be the same.

My dear God, I want to be a Christian model of hospitality, love, faith, and hope. I want to emit these qualities because first, I want to please you and secondly, this is the kind of person I want to be. Those persons who have lived meaningful lives challenge me to rise up, to dig deep into the soil of great love and to become the full human being you have called me to be. Why would I want to pass from this world as half the person I could have been?

Lord, thank you
for persons
whose lives
have been
well lived.
Thank you
for their courage,
inspiration,
self giving,
and desire
to serve.
Thank you
for the ways
in which
their witness
touches my life.

Love, Andrea

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dear God,

Life lessons at your feet are a gift beyond imagination. I learned about life from my parents, my teachers, mentors, psychology and sociology classes, and from professors in seminary. I have even learned from life itself. But learning from you, listening to your voice through nudges, visions and signs has been much more than what I could have learned from anyone or anything else.

You have shown me, taught me, exhibited a greater dimension of life. Spirituality, a relationship with the Loving Divine, has rendered me a follower. What I have discovered in the depths has been remarkable, extraordinary, miraculous. This realm of being far surpasses an earthly experience. It certainly is not for the faint hearted. Well, actually it is; it is for everyone. It is not a crutch, something one can pick up for a difficult time and then discard it. It is a way of being, a living in the beautiful now knowing that even tomorrow will have its own wonders.

I walked through an unusual doorway a number of years ago. When the heavy, solid wooden door shut behind me, I realized there was no door knob on that side. Through the experience you revealed to me that once we walk through spiritual doors, we cannot return to the time when we had not. There is no fear in it; one is not trapped. Rather new doors open outward to spaces, time and locations that disclose more and more of you. Like lambs with their mothers eating the fruit of the land together in peace, we eat manna, food made in heaven.

Today I am celebrating that wondrous activity called life, especially life with you.

Who can say
there is
no God?
Who wants
a life
without you?
There is
no substitute,
nothing that
can take
your place!
The "more"
that you provide
is better
than all
the abundance
of what
we can accumulate
on earth.
I smile
when I
acknowledge your
glorious presence.
You are God;
there is
no other.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Dear God,

A house dedicated to you is one that exudes peace, calm and serenity. Only you know the many ways lives have been touched, inspired, challenged, and changed at the St. Joseph Retreat Center in Tipton, Indiana. Only you know how transformed retreatants have influenced their families, their churches, friends, neighbors and even strangers. Only you know what love and grace can do to make a significant difference.

Throughout the last nearly 20 years I have returned to my childhood hometown to share in the life of ministry through the sisters of St. Joseph. Their hospitality, kind gestures, and loving ways have embraced all who stepped through their doors. Women who go there for the first time feel the tranquility. This weekend several retreatants remarked what they felt as they walked the grounds, the hallways or moved along the stations of the cross. Indeed your presence was everywhere.

Frequently my own soul circles back to this holy site where I too find refreshment and renewal. This time it was no different. As I walked up and down the stairs I thought of moments in time when I watched women risk, took the challenge, reached out for you and grew in their faith. How beautiful it is to participate in the life change of a pilgrim seeking spiritual food.

You draw us
to you
like bees
to nectar.
There you provide
sweetness for
daily living.
When we taste
heaven's confection,
we want
nothing more.
You have
our gratitude,
Merciful God.

Love, Andrea

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dearest God,

Faith, prayer and grace, you brought these three words to me early this morning as the antidote for a hardened heart. They are also oil for rusty hinges on the human heart’s door.

A heart that refuses to forgive, to act mercifully and compassionately is one who turns away from you, one who believes that you do not possess transforming power, one who does not trust in divine love’s gentle persuasion. A heart that forgets heaven’s agape purpose is one who will not let love in thereby creating a hard heart.

My own heart has succumbed to hardness in the past. The more I saw love coming toward me, the harder it became because fear gripped me. If I let love soften my heart, then I surmised my heart would be broken again. Yet, your love won me over. It sneaked in, penetrating my closedness. How sweet is love’s mercy, like sweet-smelling oil from heaven.

How much I want to take my heart’s door off the hinges. How I want to always be open to you. How much I want your will to keep my heart supple and soft toward you, myself and others.

As I reflect upon my life, I see the countless ways and times you filled my heart with healing love. You filled me to overflowing with blessings from on high. My greatest joy has been moments when your own divine tenderness touched me.

When I allow my heart to remain open, your love comes to me. Your goodness embraces me. Your beauty speaks to me. Love causes my own heart to swell with love for others.

O Lord,
thank you
for healing
my heart,
for massaging
it back
to health.
Thank you
for trust
that opens
the door
every time.
Thank you
for blessings
that remind me
of the constancy
of your
divine mercy.
Open the door
to my heart,
O God;
make it always
open to you.

Love, Andrea

Friday, April 16, 2010

Dear God,

Why do miracles exist? What is the purpose of a miracle? Why do some people believe and others have to have more proof? Why do some see and others do not?

I have had my share of miracles in life. I'm not bragging; I have no reason to brag. I don't think miracles are given to people because they are more special than someone else. Our status in life has nothing to do with making a miracle happen. I believe miracles are all about you.

Last weekend I went to a gardening show at our county fairground. I saw one of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. A white bleeding heart is gorgeous, delicate and well, beautiful. I've seen pink bleeding hearts but not white. I wanted to buy one but it is mostly for shady areas. It wouldn't work for my garden so I passed it by but I kept thinking about it especially when my friend bought three of the plants.

A couple of days ago I walked around the side of the house and I could not believe my eyes. Growing in my garden was a white bleeding heart. Where? Where had it come from? Weeks before I cleaned out the weeds in that bed. I noticed that the three plants that I planted a few years back were not doing well. One had died, one had a few green spots and the third had disappeared completely. I realized I would have to buy more plants. I gave it no more thought. Imagine my shock to see the plant three or four weeks later. It was clear that it had come up on its own; there was no evidence that it had been recently planted. I couldn't believe it.

Yesterday I asked my friend if she had planted one of her plants in my garden. As a CPA she had had no time to plant. Since we have lived in this house for more than 15 years and the plant had never come up before, we concluded it was a miracle.

What I am sure of is this: I believe you author miracles all the time. I don't know why. I don't know where they will unfold or to whom. I just know that miracles influence lives and they turn our minds and souls toward you if only for an instant. Perhaps they exist in order to turn our heads.

Turn, turn, turn
my heart
toward you,
Great Miracle Maker.
Let my
mind believe
even before
I see
with my
own eyes.
Let my faith
always be real,
a dynamic process
of belief, gesture,
practice and joy.
Remind me
that you are
God of the universe,
capable of
all things.
Let miracles
spur us
to greater faith,
respect,
appreciation
and love.

As always, Andrea

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dearest God,

What is the power of prayer? Who does it touch, those prayed for, those who pray or someone else? How exactly does it exact change because it seems as though prayer is all about change?

I believe I am a more compassionate person because you urge me to pray for others. When yet another tragedy strikes, you call me to pray for the parts of the world, the people affected. First, it was for the people of Banda Aceh who suffered through the tsunami, then for victims of the earthquakes in Haiti, Chile, Los Angeles and Mexico, and now for Tibet. You remind me to remember to pray for persons, especially children and teenagers who are being bought and sold through human trafficking. Frequently you cause me to pray for the whole of creation, for all those who are forgotten, and those for whom no one prays.

Has your challenge to me to pray changed me? It seems so. How has it changed others? Is prayer a way for you to change the cosmos? Do you invite us to pray to transform our insides so that we may become sweeter, more grace-filled, more loving, kind and forgiving?

I have been changed through prayer. Most recently I was changed as others prayed for my marriage. As a dramatic vision of prayer came to me, I bowed down, changed my direction, found hope and the ability to discern. Thousands of prayers came to me in a vision as points of light in the darkness. Their prayers were answered at the same time and clarity came to me, just what I had been praying for.

Does prayer work to keep us all connected together as a common humanity? Does it link us to one another, especially in times of crisis? Is it your intention to remake, restore and renew us through prayer? You alone know how much transformation is needed in the world!

Or does prayer work to cleanse us, to clean us up, our thinking, our attitudes and our behaviors? Is prayer the way to purify us from sin of every kind? Do you inspire someone, a perfect stranger to pray for me or someone else, simply because you want to rid us of unnecessary, unwanted failings and lackings? And in the process is the praying stranger warmed because they were humbly obedient?

What is it about prayer that touches, transforms, transfigures and titillates us? Is prayer your way of loving us?

Powerful and Loving God,
how appreciative
I am
for being touched
through prayer
and for
using me
to pray
for others.
Thank you
for connecting me
to all
your children
through prayer.
You have
taken strangers
and made them
my family,
my brothers
and sisters.
I stand
in awe,
O Lord,
of your
amazing grace
and compassionate mercy.
Thank you.

Love, Andrea

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My dear God,

I love the dawn. I love the blackness that fades into whiteness. I love looking out my windows into the darkness and then watch it change as the light begins ever so slowly to penetrate and shine.

Sometimes I think about how darkness can be so pervasive in human life. In that darkness the human soul stumbles, feeling the weight of sin, grief, confusion or torment. The darkness can be a scary place especially if it lasts for a long time. There are moments when the light may be shining but because we are so deep in darkness we can't see it.

Your creation gives us clues to human living. Every 24 hours without fail the darkness will come but it will also give way to the light. In fact in most places the light will remain longer than the darkness.

While the darkness may feel threatening you have taught me that significant happenings can take place there. I have learned great life lessons while in the darkness and I have come to realize that the lessons come when the light speaks during that time. It has come as a voice, a calm, serene voice speaking peace, hope and comfort. Although I tense up during dark moments, your voice alone can change me. As I train my ears to listen and my eyes to watch, I can begin to see first outlines of things and then full shapes and finally details. My ability to wait, to draw near, be patient, humble and obedient can give me keys to life around me. Above all, it can give me a greater desire to take your hand, to walk with you, and to even enjoy the journey knowing I am with you.

Teach me,
Lord,
to listen,
to watch,
to anticipate
your presence.
What is life
without you?
An endless journey
of experiences,
happenings,
activities and events
that lack
the agape relationship,
the deeper
sacred meaning
and eternal joy.
Every life
lacks something
of you
without intention.
O dear God,
make my spirit
so amenable
to yours
that I will
with great intention
remain with you.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dearest God,

I walked out of WalMart early this morning just as the huge pink ball rose into the sky. I began to sing, "Thine be the glory, risen conquering Son..." A gorgeous sunrise and a glorious song came together before 7:15 a.m.

You are full of surprises, O God. I never know what will come; I just know that it will. As I train myself to listen, to anticipate, to watch, to be aware, I know that you will reveal yourself in the world. Perhaps it will be in nature or in an unspoken word. Maybe it will be a song or gesture, even a random act of kindness. Whatever it is, it waits to be discovered again and again.

Rise up,
O God,
let your
glory shine
that I
may sing out
your praise.

Love, Andrea

Monday, April 12, 2010

Dear God,

I was cleaning out autumn debris when I bumped the woody stem. It fell aside when I leaned under the bush and picked at the other side of it. It fell too. That's when I could see that the original center of the four foot bush was dead. I picked up both pieces and held them in my hands. I looked back and realized that nothing was left of the original bush; it had all died. All that remained was new.

Throughout the last few years the old wood had rotted, split, died and fallen away. Now all the limbs and branches of the colorful bush were new and smooth. Somewhere along the way something had happened. While the old was dying, the new was being birthed. How, I have no idea. I just know it is a new bush although it is the same bush in the same location and it is strong, healthy and resplendent with plentiful clusters of pink and white blossoms.

What a wonderful metaphor for new life, I thought. Oh, to let the old die within me, to let the new live, taking its place. How miraculous it is to imagine that such an event is possible. How extraordinary that the dead wood in life can be removed making space for the new to take over, to radiate its beauty.

It is
your divine,
creative power
that makes
all things new,
dear God.
It is true
that the old
must pass away
and the
tender, new shoot
rise up.
What is mind boggling
to me,
O God,
is that
the old
and the new
live together
until the
season's change.
You are
the great mystery,
the changeover,
the transfiguration,
the revolution
and conversion.
All becomes new
in your hands.
All glory
be to you,
Wondrous God.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, April 11, 2010

My dearest God,

I've heard the scripture many times before but today it said something different to me. I can only believe it is a message from you. "If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained." John 20:23. I've always listened to these words of John but I never really spent much time thinking about them.

What came to me first was the need to forgive sins. I understand that. I forgive. You forgive. Your grace replaces the sin which dies away. However, if I fail to forgive, you still forgive and grace moves in. When I hold on to the sin, I carry it with me. I keep it alive. The sin's potency can leak into my own soul, altering me. In other words, if I can't forgive someone who has hurt me, the holding power alone can harm me. Perhaps it soils my own soul. The more deeply I hang on to it, the more sin can change my attitude and my actions into resentment. Resentment can turn into bitterness and bitterness can take root. Nothing good comes from bitterness.

I thought backward, reflecting upon my own actions. I could see where I allowed this process to take place within my own soul. I saw the ways in which bitterness negatively changed me. My thinking became blurred, my wounds remained, my ability to move forward was impaired and my faith was hindered all because I refused to let go, allowing grace to do its work.

What I realized in church was that this process of anchoring myself in sin holding not only hurts me; it influences others. My negative behavior can spill out onto those around me. My negativity can breed negativity in others. My resentment and/or bitter ways can brush unsuspecting individuals around me, family members, friends, even strangers. Like a snowball rolling downhill, it can pick up others along the way, doing damage and destruction. The sin no matter how large or small can become so huge that it turns into something else. The implications can be far reaching.

Sadly, the next scene that came to me as I sat in the choir loft was a picture of others who are even now holding on to the past. They cannot forgive, refusing to permit your healing to take place. Their attitudes are sour, their words negative, their actions unloving. They are an unhappy lot because they, like me, cannot, will not surrender that which is eating away at them.

What is amazing to me is the beautiful way the opposite process works. Forgiveness frees, liberating us from the past. It keeps the inner soul clear and working well. Joy can flow from an eternal well. Faith grows, courage multiplies, love heals and those around us are inspired, touched, challenged and helped. What a difference surrender can make as we move to the side allowing grace to renew, restore and replace those injuries of the past. Your love penetrates us opening wide our valleys of despair, injecting into them the balm of heaven.

You, O God,
heal like
no other.
Your grace
truly is
sufficient for
all things.
Your love
transforms us,
making us new.
Why do
we wait
so long
to turn
toward you?

Love always, Andrea

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Dear God,

How do you trigger the human heart to do good? What inspires the soul to reach out, to help someone, to care for another?

I just watched a recent story about a 28 year old single mother who was stabbed in a park while she watched her children play. Left paralyzed below the waist, she forgave her mentally unstable attacker. Her Texas town of 300 people got together and started rebuilding her tiny house, making access to every room. They literally rebuilt her kitchen making it possible for her to cook and clean while in a wheelchair. And by the way did I say that she has no health insurance and local doctors and the hospital are providing care for free?

How can we become more compassionate? How can we give more, share more, offer more? How can we treat others even strangers as close family members? What needs to change in us that will make us want to stop accumulating for ourselves, hoarding what we have and begin living as if we live communally?

When I read stories of compassionate love, I wonder why we all don't pause and make the shift to greater compassion. Something happens to us when we care for someone else, when we give a part of ourselves away, when we love unselfishly. We become beautiful people. We show the best of who we are. We are happier, more enjoined with those around us. I suspect our whole being can be transformed even producing better health. Why don't we, Lord; why don't we?

Today,
Good God,
remake us
into your image.
Make our hands
giving hands,
our hearts generous,
our feet capable
of walking
our talk.
Expand our family
to include
your own.
Enlarge our hearts
with love
from on high,
not just
for ourselves
but also
for our neighbor,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Friday, April 9, 2010

Dear God,

As I sit at my kitchen table writing, I can see my contemplative garden out my window. A very gentle breeze stirs the iris leaves. Oh, to be so pliable, so flexible, so willing to allow your spirit to move me so easily.

The word trust keeps coming up inside me and others. I hear friends and family members talk about trust. Sometimes I hear fear in their voices. At other times I hear a peaceful calm, a quiet joy as they share the ways in which they trusted you and found their direction. Always I enjoy the sparkle in their eye, like an arrow pointing to you.

You have shown me that trusting you leads to a serene life. Not that life will be easy. Not that it will be perfect. It is just that trust allows those constant sirens in the soul to shut down, to stop overworking. When I trust in you, I have strength from on high. I am able to do things I thought I could not do and I have a sweet peace while doing it.

How grateful
I am
that the
smallest thing,
an iris leaf,
can speak
to me
of trust
and peace,
O Lord.
I see
tremendous beauty
in life
when I
am able
to give myself
to the teachings
of nature.
Make me quiver
at the
slightest movement
of your
spirit breath,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Dearest God,

I am watching with great interest the unfurling of truth. Sometimes it is so deep that it takes an earthquake to open the ground allowing it to spurt out. Finally, the truth is coming.

I understand more and more how we cover up the truth about ourselves because we are afraid to face our own fears. As I observe the uncovering in someone else, my own soul delights because I truly do believe that the truth sets us free.

Why do we wait so long to live in our own truth? Why are we so afraid? Why do we give in to our fears, robbing ourselves of inner joy, peace and happiness?

I am certain, dear God, that an utter trust in you will lead us to live in truth every day. We will not fear because our trust is not in what someone else will think but rather in what you think of us. You have made us with your own love. You have placed within us the ability to live the life you have entrusted us with. You know our weaknesses; perhaps you have made us with weakness so that we may enjoy the journey toward strength. Although courage may be underdeveloped, it still has the opportunity to grow and mature leading us to do great things not only for ourselves but for those around us and even for the world.

Thank you,
Loving God,
for tools
that help us
open ourselves
to truth.
Thank you
for those
whose gifts
teach us
to dig deep
for the truth
that frees us.
Thank you
for hope
that keeps
us alive
until we
are ready
to forge ahead.
Thank you,
God,
for your spirit
that enables us
to move
from where
we are
to where
we can be
by your
great power.

Love, Andrea

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Dear God,

You have been at work rewriting scripts for many lives. There are those around me and even myself whose lives have been changed in recent weeks and months. Attitudes, beliefs, ways of being, and normal routines are being altered, allowing for a newness of life. Just when I thought the world was a certain way, a shift took place renewing itself.

Recently I have been watching human transformation. It is not only possible; it is embraceable. Like wandering through a grocery store selecting unique food items, you have made a changeable human spirit with the same ability to make different choices. You have placed within us the ability to modify the way we are. Although we often resist change because we think it is too hard, when looked at through eyes of faith, anything is feasible. Choosing this rather than that can be a spirit-filled adventure.

Why do we look at change as the most difficult activity in life? Why do we harden our hearts, complain and pour concrete into where we stand? I don't think we realize that we limit ourselves when we elect to remain the same. Our options become smaller and smaller until we fit into tiny, wee boxes. With little air and space, we place ourselves in perilous situations.

You have taught me to trust you during changing times. You have required me to travel lightly with very few items in my backpack. You have disclosed the need for me to move at any time when you call. If I am reluctant to leave my current living place, I miss abundant opportunities to sojourn with you.


One of the most valuable life lessons I learned again this past year was the key role of surrender in human living. When I chose to hang on to my disappointment and hurt, I continued to be in pain. When I chose to transform myself by your spirit, I let go in order to exchange my woundedness for your wholeness.

During the course of my long, intense painful journey you challenged me to let go of precious items in my life. First, it was my possessions. You exposed my attachment to all the trappings of a cozy lifestyle. You disclosed my inability to move quickly because I couldn't release what made me feel at home. Second, it was my fear. My fears ran rampant. I was afraid to trust. Third, it was my will. As long as I remained coiled to my own authoritative way, I was blind to other options that could lead me to healing. When finally I took your outstretched hand, allowing you to unshackle me from all these obstacles, I began the liberating pilgrimage of faith, radical transformation and joy.

Eternal God,
your power comes
from a
deep, deep well
of unconditional love.
Otherwise,
why would
you bother?
Why would
you remain
by our side?
Why would
you put up
with our
self-centered,
self-indulgent,
self-destructive behavior?
You offer
your healing,
transforming power
to all
of us,
each one
of your children.
You relieve us
of all
our unhealthy encumbrances,
replacing them
with you.
How full
is my
thankful heart!

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Dear God,

I rode on a cloud today because you provided the cloud, my ability to climb aboard and the breeze to move it along the stunning landscape of spirit wonderment. What was once impossible for me was made possible by your generous gracious power.

I have observed with keen interest the surprising movement of your spirit in our world. People tell stories of miracles. Lives are turned rightside up after spending much time in the underworld. Communities are transformed by a single act of generosity. The unlovable are made lovable. The weary are renewed. Hope is living once again among the hopeless. The dying are being raised to new life.

I know something about resurrection because I too have been raised from the dead. No, there was no announcement by a physician that I had died; yet, I hovered between life and death in many areas of my life. Life's burdens had weighed me down. My health was broken. The responsibilities I carried were too numerous to count. Close relationships had been severed. On any given day I was not sure whether I would make it through the day.

In the last many months you have unveiled your plan for my life. In ways I could never have anticipated, you lay bare my soul and then presented to me vivid, detailed pictures of your purpose. An extraordinary happening took place within me as I watched. It was a full body, mind and spirit experience. A whole array of emotions gripped me as I took in the relevance of the sacred encounter. Overwhelmed, it took weeks to fully appreciate the many levels that were touched, changed, healed, inspired. Literally a resurrection transpired.

The cloud's appearing today was a beautiful reminder of your beautiful, indulgent grace.

I am
no more worthy
than the next
to find
such favor,
O God;
yet, you blessed me
with your
own spirit.
What can
I do
to show
my devotion,
my appreciation,
my gratitude
and joy?
I owe you everything!

Love, Andrea

Monday, April 5, 2010

My dear God,

You have shown me that life is viewed through a different lens when seen through the eyes of faith. The colors of the rainbow are brighter, more brilliant; there is a radiant glow that defies perfect understanding. There is a respect, a beauty, a magnificence that lifts all living to a higher plain. Light is distinguished in the midst of deep darkness. Hope extinguishes despair. Peace is possible in chaos and truth liberates.

As I reflect back, I witness the countless many ways faith has kept me alive. When I walked through the valley of the shadow, I learned to trust you. That trust worked like a safety net beneath me. It provided me with a way to look up, to look out, to see the phenomenal workings of your spirit. Courage was produced, joy entered, strength was found.

Faith may at times act like a crutch but it is more, much more. Faith births love and reverence into the world. More is discovered in the human spirit as faith-filled individuals yearn to love their neighbor, care for the hurt, enable the downtrodden. Faith makes the impossible possible. It opens new doors to transform one's own self and those around them. Faith produces a kind of excitement that eases suffering, forges new direction and gives energy for life's journey. Faith gives credit to greater powers that seem to come to life on their own.

Faith sees the world not as hostile, an environment to be conquered but rather as one to be embraced. There is a place on this planet for all persons, each and every one carefully shaped. And even though we often seek to fill our own empty vessels with the flesh of others, faith reveals that even a hard, selfish, evil heart can be changed, softened, remade with a love from on high. We don't always take our cue to rid ourselves of fear and grab hold of faith that creates artistic splendor within ourselves. It's like imagining our own being, our own marble square in the hands of a Michelangelo. There is something far more than an exquisite vision of loveliness. What is revealed is indeed a glimpse into the divine, into your own self.

As I consider my daily trek through life, I get up each morning praying not just for myself, my own and what I want; rather, I feel the connection of people in Haiti, Chili, Africa, the inner cities. I know I am connected to them by faith; otherwise, why would I think of them at all, people so far away, so different from myself? It is because faith endears us to one another. It gives us caring, empathetic hearts so that we can become compassionate human beings meting out kindness, tenderness, grace and love. Even the desire to embody this through faith comes from you. It is all about you.

Great God
of Heaven and Earth,
the Cosmos
and the Outer Edges
of Creation,
you are
the source
of goodness,
beauty,
and godly love.
You show us
what is possible.
Daily you
give us opportunities
to partner
in creation.
With gifts given
by you,
we begin
each new day
with a
paint brush,
a palette
of color
and a
blank canvas
and then
you challenge us
to paint you
into the world.
Paint faith
into all
of us,
dear God,
that we
may paint
eternal joy,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Dearest Glorious God,

My well of joy was full to overflowing this Easter morning. Where does so much joy come from? It comes from you, Great and Wonderful God. Even the birds sang out their own canticle of praise before the sun rose.

I don't know when I have sung the Easter song more joyfully than I did today. Being a blessed part of the choir, I felt as if we sang with angels and saints. The brass trumpets, the bells and baroque organ played their God-given tunes as we sang out the Hallelujah Chorus. I could not keep from smiling because I believe with all my heart every word we were singing. And to think around the world millions, hundreds of millions and more were singing too the song of faith.

Easter has never just been a holiday to me. It truly is the culmination of all I believe. I love Lent because it puts faith into perspective. I would never dream of celebrating Easter without making the journey with Christ on Holy Week. It's near sacrilege to me. If we can't walk the talk, why bother go on Sunday morning?

Lent came so quickly on the heels of Christmas this year that I had to adjust myself to make ready. Yet, I wanted to enter the season preparing for the homecoming of Easter. I wanted to wear the cross on Ash Wednesday not because I was special but because I was not. I wanted to make that intentional journey to the cross because I often forget that Easter is not Easter without Good Friday. Although our stores offer it that way, I am repulsed by the idea of Christmas without the creche and Easter without the cross.

What I did not know on Ash Wednesday was what you would do in my own personal life during Lent. As I read Lent's daily devotion and felt my own self making the pilgrimage, I simply took your hand and walked with you. At times I felt a greater tug when I was falling behind or simply gawking at the scenery around me. I am sure you remember those moments when I wanted to run ahead. You just held on a little tighter knowing full well that I would miss the fullness of today if I was trying to enter tomorrow too early.

You moved slowly and deliberately in my life and in my all-important relationship. You sanded down the edges. You carved new dimension in our lives. You spoke healing words. You gave new challenges. You drew away false gods and images replacing them with your own self. You breathed in new air, taking away the stale, stagnant breath from long ago. You opened the windows to our hearts and let the light permeate the odds and ends of darkness that lived powerfully in our midst. And you let us hear the song of those whose rest is already won.

As the dreadful and cursed death of Friday gave way to the brightness of new life on Easter morning truly a resurrection occurred in our life together.

No one possesses
transforming power
like you,
Wondrous God.
Your promise
to be
with us always
is not only
a daily promise;
it is
a constant reality.
As we
allow you
to move
in our lives,
miracles do occur.
We are changed.
Our wounds
are healed.
Our hearts
are reopened.
Our souls
are cleansed.
Our joy
is made full.

Love always, Andrea

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Dear God,

The whole world seems to be awakening around me. The grass is turning green. New stems are breaking through the soil's crust. Flowers are opening. Birds are calling their mates. Worms are multiplying and aerating the earth.

Months ago all was quiet. The landscape kept still. Brown, winter's color, cried out, "No, not ready, not ready to give up our claim." To some the cold season seemed never ending. Yet, hidden beneath the terra firma cosmic activity was taking place. All was being readied just as you had planned.

As creation in this part of the world is coming to life so is my soul's readiness to build a better life in my relationships. I feel the shift going on inside me. I had leaned on you for so long to bring comfort to my weary soul; now, I stand strong, breathing in rich H2O. I feel the strength of heaven because I have learned that a life worthy of being lived is one that trusts wholeheartedly in you, watches for signs of life and walks in the new direction.

I have tamed my stubborn will to listen, to be watchful, to bend, to allow myself a sacred flexibility so that I may be in greater tune with you. Naturally the power to do so has been yours. It has always been yours.

As I observe the unity and harmony unfolding within my personal relationships, I am very aware of your omnipotence. I find myself being caught up in the majesty of it all. What I have learned is this: The more I am able to let go of my desire to thrum my own drum, the more energy I find to lean toward your will. The more I lean, the better able I am to live and move and have my being in you. And there I embark on a life filled with wonder, awe and mystery.

Great and Gracious God,
creation seems
to be
falling at
your feet,
awaiting your word
to fulfill
their own destiny.
I am one
of these,
O Lord,
one of
your own.
I am ready too,
dear God,
say the word
and I
shall follow.

Love, Andrea

Friday, April 2, 2010

My dearest God,

I watched her snuff the candles, one by one as I listened to the passion story of your son. He was arrested, came before the authorities, pronounced innocent and then guilty. He carried the cross, was nailed to it, received taunts, forgave his tormentors and died. The light went out...or did it?

I never weary of hearing the story because it is the foundation of my faith. When I listen not only with my mind but also my soul, I allow the story to find its way inside me. I embrace it because I want to live a life of faith and gratitude. It is not only a repeated sacred page in the bible or the retelling of a familiar, cherished love story; it is part of me because I am part of you. I allow it to renew my inner parts that need restoration and to strengthen my resolve to live for you. It contributes valuable life-giving energy to me, satiating my spiritual center for sharing with others the best of what I call life.

This life is to me not just a simple living of each day but rather a call to a kind of divine joy that permeates the human experience with an altruistic spirit that allows me to share precious treasures with others each day. Maybe it is a prayer, a smile, a making way for, giving a gift, exhibiting courage or hope on a dark day; perhaps it is doing something that will replenish another's dry well or placing salve on a wound. At times it is a being with in the final moments of life. It is not so much what I offer as who.

You are
the who,
the what,
the why
and the where
of life,
Great Redeemer.
The richness
of every day
is not
what I
can take
for myself
but what
runs through me
that I
am privileged
to give away.
I am nothing
but a breath
without you,
Most High God,
one that
rises quickly
and falls fast.
You are
the story;
you are LIFE
to me.

Love always, Andrea

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dearest God,

We went to the Maundy Thursday service at St. Paul's Episcopal Church. What a beautiful cathedral. I went forward to have my feet washed as priests knelt in commemoration of that humble gift you gave your disciples. We moved to the kneeling rail to receive holy communion. But it was what happened at the end that moved my heart to tears.

When the worship participants began to strip the chancel area, I wanted to stop the process. First it was the kneeling cushions, the candles, stoles and then the paraments. They took away the standing crosses by the side entrances and then they carried out the tall brass candle holders from the altar. When two priests carried out the large red altar cloth revealing the magnificent carved altar, tears pooled and slipped down my face. And then a priest methodically washed down the glass on top of the altar. Finally, they brought from the side a standing cross and placed it just behind the altar. At the end the preacher and two assistants took a black cloth, covered the cross and walked out. The lights were dimmed and then went out. I paused to allow the full impact to touch my soul.

What came to me is this: The stripping of the chancel is symbolic of stripping you of power in my life. When I say no to you, when I refuse to allow you to change my life, when I take full charge of me and leave you no space to dwell within, I strip you of power to work within my being. When I say you can't do this or that, I leave you no alternative but to be powerless over me. Because you love me so much, you are willing to honor my desire to set you aside or shelve you until I choose to give you the opportunity to metamorphose me.

How many times have I been guilty of such acts? How often have I robbed you of your gentle persuasion to inspire or heal me? More than I want to confess.

One of the life lessons I have learned this past year is hardship can lead us not only to healing but growth in the soul. There is no destructive act that does not bring with it the occasion for change and transformation. The most horrendous thing can become a moment to call upon you, to plead my case, to find comfort, hope and the joy of our relationship. I have the fortuity of standing in your presence knowing there is nothing and no one that can remove you from my soul. Every situation and/or condition offers your glorious presence.

Eternal God,
please forgive
my errant ways.
Keep my heart
and my soul
open to you.
Cleanse me
from within;
let me be
a willing vessel
of all
that is good,
of all
that is you,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dear God,

The old has died away; the new is beginning. Death is finished; resurrection has begun.

On this holiest of weeks, I have witnessed a final death with several people, persons who have decided to give up the ghosts of the past for a new life. Like colorful tulips breaking through the spring soil, so am I seeing lives being transformed. Family and friends letting go, surrendering, grabbing hold of your promise of resurrection and living it, stepping into a new existence, giving praise to you for your wondrous gift, and giving a swift kick to old habits, beliefs and attitudes.

Today I helped my daughter and her family move into their first home. For ten hours I worked on the kitchen, cleaning, unpacking, organizing, putting away and cleaning again. All the time I worked I was conscious of the work my daughter and her husband have done to get where they are. They have left behind the old life for the new and they are so very aware that they have come to that place because you provided the way. They are celebrating your love, grace, and power and so am I as I see you in them.

Many around me have new life because they have given themselves to you in a very real way. They are those who knew they needed a change. They found it difficult to take steps into the future without divine assistance. As they took hold of your glorious offerings, they are discovering a life-giving joy like never before. They are singing your praise!

Holy God,
Lover of All Your Children,
thank you
for the miracle
of Easter happening
right now,
today.
You are God;
there is
none like you.
Take my gratitude,
Most Wondrous God,
I give it
to you.

Love, Andrea