Thursday, April 1, 2010

Dearest God,

We went to the Maundy Thursday service at St. Paul's Episcopal Church. What a beautiful cathedral. I went forward to have my feet washed as priests knelt in commemoration of that humble gift you gave your disciples. We moved to the kneeling rail to receive holy communion. But it was what happened at the end that moved my heart to tears.

When the worship participants began to strip the chancel area, I wanted to stop the process. First it was the kneeling cushions, the candles, stoles and then the paraments. They took away the standing crosses by the side entrances and then they carried out the tall brass candle holders from the altar. When two priests carried out the large red altar cloth revealing the magnificent carved altar, tears pooled and slipped down my face. And then a priest methodically washed down the glass on top of the altar. Finally, they brought from the side a standing cross and placed it just behind the altar. At the end the preacher and two assistants took a black cloth, covered the cross and walked out. The lights were dimmed and then went out. I paused to allow the full impact to touch my soul.

What came to me is this: The stripping of the chancel is symbolic of stripping you of power in my life. When I say no to you, when I refuse to allow you to change my life, when I take full charge of me and leave you no space to dwell within, I strip you of power to work within my being. When I say you can't do this or that, I leave you no alternative but to be powerless over me. Because you love me so much, you are willing to honor my desire to set you aside or shelve you until I choose to give you the opportunity to metamorphose me.

How many times have I been guilty of such acts? How often have I robbed you of your gentle persuasion to inspire or heal me? More than I want to confess.

One of the life lessons I have learned this past year is hardship can lead us not only to healing but growth in the soul. There is no destructive act that does not bring with it the occasion for change and transformation. The most horrendous thing can become a moment to call upon you, to plead my case, to find comfort, hope and the joy of our relationship. I have the fortuity of standing in your presence knowing there is nothing and no one that can remove you from my soul. Every situation and/or condition offers your glorious presence.

Eternal God,
please forgive
my errant ways.
Keep my heart
and my soul
open to you.
Cleanse me
from within;
let me be
a willing vessel
of all
that is good,
of all
that is you,
I pray.

Love, Andrea