Saturday, May 26, 2007

Dearest God,

Jeanette is near death. Just days ago we talked openly, honestly. She is ready to move on, to leave behind the sickly body, to circle the earth on angels' wings, to push toward heaven to join her beloved husband of more than 50 years. I had promised prayers to usher her into the heavenly realm. I had kissed her goodbye.

Today there was no response. Her hands and feet are cool, an indication that her organs are working hard. Her eyes are closed, breathing shallow. Jeanette will join you in a few hours.

I used to visit Jeanette and Tom. Living just a few yards from the church I made my way into their tiny home. We would talk on and on, laughing easily, joking with one another. I fell in love with this beautiful, elderly couple.

Tom died two or three years after I arrived on the scene as the new pastor. He was in the hospital for a simple procedure when things turned bad. The family gathered at his bedside. He was struggling. The family was desperate to do something for their husband, father, grandfather. I suggested we sing his favorite hymns. Hearing his family sing, he calmed down. Within minutes he took his first step into paradise. None of us have forgotten that sacred time.

Her daughters and I now stood around Jeanette's bed as she labored. "Can we sing?" One asked. "Of course." I said. And so we did. Such a prized time to stand poised between heaven and earth. I hugged the whole family when I left. In the car I cried.

Such moments reinforce my reasons for accepting your call to ministry. I am where I am supposed to be, doing what you have outlined me to do. Although taxing at times, weary from responsibility, I love being your hands and feet and heart. I am humbled, grateful.

You are the light
that I carry with me
in ministry.
Whether at a bedside,
in counselling,
laughing at a restaurant,
leading a retreat,
nudging someone toward you,
I know my ministry,
my call,
my task.
I utterly trust in you
during these moments.
For I am nothing more
than human.
Yet, I have been entrusted
with the sacred divine.
May I be worthy
of this repeated call
to follow, to lead,
to love.

Love always, Andrea