Saturday, November 24, 2007

My dearest God,

Your way was my way; your will mine. Walking into the home where such animosity had lived, still lives in some corners, I felt the wings of angels near me. Holding to the truths revealed to me on the mountain I spoke with the breath of God. What liberation, freedom!

Years of sorrow and grief turned today. My sorrow gone. My grief dissipated. The legal suit that had opened fresh wounds had created such turmoil, anger, resentment and bitterness. I had shared the same feelings for different reasons. But today for me it was all gone. Forever.

I took opportunities to spend time with each grandchild, all 13 of them. "How are you doing? How is school? What are you wanting to do with your life?" From the oldest at age 20 to the youngest who is five, I queried them about what is most valuable to them. I spent time with the Star Wars guys, the dogs, the college students. I watched Star Wars video vignettes, listened to a one-person piano concert, played with transformers and watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

It's been about three years since I've been together with everyone. No longer afraid or resentful, I listened with ears made holy by God who opened them. I heard with my heart that you had washed clean. I spoke with loving words dropped into me from heaven. Not that my vessel is a sign of perfection, but rather one whose heart was cracked open on the mountain.

I felt such peace, an inner calm. My storms have been quieted. You have taken my storms and robbed them of their power, leaving me with a stillness. The same tranquility I found on the mountain. It has entered my whole being. Where chaos once churned, now only peace resides.

I found I didn't talk as much. I was more quiet, not because I did not engage people because I did. But I listened more, with my heart. By the time I left I was not exhausted. I had not expended or wasted good energy with all the raw emotions caused by the upheaval. I listened to you instead.

I was light as a feather by the time we left. I felt joy, an inner joy knowing that I had followed you, was obedient to the truth revealed. I was one with my creator.

We walked together,
spoke only heavenly words.
The winds that blew
were winds of the spirit,
yours.
I listened,
found joy.
You are the power
that changes things.
You are the power
that transforms
broken hearts
into mended hearts.
Scars may still be visible;
but a mended heart,
one sewn by God
is one that beats
heaven's beats.
On the mountain
I felt the tug
of the sacred cord
bringing together
my torn flesh.
I wept
during the procedure.
But I knew what was happening.
I felt the healing,
knew whose hand
was upon me.
My mending heart
beat with you today,
faith allowing it
to do its destined work.
I am whole.

Loving you is my gift back, Andrea