Sunday, November 18, 2007

Dearest Benefactor,

As I walked the dusty path one last time to Laud Worship at 5:30 a.m., I looked up high in the sky witnessing again the beauty of New Mexico skies, the stars twinkling, shining brightly their lights in rhythm with you. As I stood before the chapel door, I circled round, 360 degrees and I whispered into the wind, "Paint this on my soul, Lord, paint this on my soul."

My whole being filled with thanksgiving as we sang together the psalms, Psalm 121. "I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord who made heaven and earth." I watched through the windows high above in the chapel sanctuary and saw first light, dawn at the monastery. In the beauty of that holy mountain, I felt such peace and blessing.

It was then I realized I wanted to give you a gift. My soul whispered, "Give God your fear as a blessing." I remembered the many gifts of Mother Teresa to her Jesus and the words of Jesus, "Love casts out fear." As those two merged, I knew the gift I would give.

My traveling companions and I stood together at the guesthouse with the mountains as a backdrop while one of the pilgrims took our picture. My companions hugged her for they had met her days before during work time. She is with her husband who is probably dying of prostate cancer. He is now on an experimental drug that they are pretty sure is not working. She told us their four children were flying into Santa Fe, then would make their way to the monastery to spend the weekend together on the mountain. What spiritual memories they are making together. Courage rose up within me.

As we climbed into the car, I slid in under the steering wheel. My gift was to drive down the mountain, facing my paralyzing fear of heights. I whispered to myself, "Love casts out all fear." I thought of Mother Teresa and her faith and love in the midst of her darkness. I can do this, I said to myself. One of my companions put on a tape of Gregorian chant and we began the 13 mile trek. Even on scary passes, I stopped so my companion could take pictures. I knew I was bringing delight to my Master's heart. What joy I felt.

When we drove into Santa Fe and found our hotel near the downtown plaza, I called my family since we had not spoken for six days due to no cell phone signal, no public phones, no Internet connection. My daughter told me news that she could hardly contain. My oldest daughter is coming home for Thanksgiving. We will be a family for the first time in 14 years.

I am filled with blessing, not because I am worthy but because God is and chooses to bless your children. As my family is miraculously returning "home" to one another, I see the Savior leading them, us and for some reason known to you alone the time is right. But then your time is always right.

As I conclude my time apart from the busyness of daily living for a sweet time with you, I just keep saying, "I am blessed. I am so blessed." Loving you is my heart's joy.

Wondrous God,
Miracle Maker,
Sweet Voice in the Wind,
I lift up my heart,
my soul, my whole being.
Let every portion
of my being
offer you praise and thanksgiving.
And then,
allow me to bend down
at your feet,
anointing them
with my love.
Most Precious Savior,
you have redeemed me.

Love, Andrea