Friday, November 16, 2007

Dear God,

Mother Teresa led me to my truth. My heart cracked open, the light of Jesus entering the cracks. Tears flooded my soul. I wept and wept for a long time, mostly for joy.

I now know my own truth. You have shone your light into my icy cold, frozen heart. The warmth of your love melted me, thus, the tears.

I have set for days in the desert patiently waiting, singing the psalms, praying, wandering through the natural moutain desert beauty. Through worship, reading, prayer, meditation, knowing your presence through singing Gregorian Chant, gazing upon the Blessed Sacrament, looking up and out through the chapel windows at the crosses erected high upon the mesa, I have remained in silence, such a sweet friend, my holy companion. Such tranquility, solitude, peace.

Although this is a place of silence, at times persons will speak in the library, hall, gift shop or breakfast room. This was distracting to me so I put on the medallion, a visible sign of my desire for special silence. Your voice was the voice I longed to hear. I have discovered that words can be a distraction to the spirit. Allowing silence to penetrate the soul opens the door to the soul so your word can pass through.

I came knowing what I wanted, needed, but through your grace-filled mercy, I have come to the awareness that my life is not about meeting my own needs and wants, but rather about fulfilling the desire of your heart toward me. My life is about you, giving you joy, delighting your heart.

I've learned too, Great Love, that prayer is not about giving you my list, but rather receiving yours, listening to your cry for healing, hope, faith, courage, service. You have reminded me that love casts out all fear. And what is fear but a lack of trust.

My soul's task is to meet your challenge, to remove the veil from my own face, to trust, to receive your love, not to possess it for myself only as a treasure kept in secret, but rather as a sign of your love for me and my love for you and our need to love others. "Love one another." You said to your disciples. How can I keep your love stored away for when I need it? I cannot; it is such a waste, sitting there in a closed box. Love kept in a box loses its essential beauty, its sweetness and power. I can only be a carrier of love. That love can become light to someone else, my life's vocation.

I vowed to you that I would do what you ask unreservedly. And while I began to imagine what that would mean, what it would look like, and what I would do based on the truth revealed to me, you spoke to me through the voice of my loving spiritual mentor St. Francis. He simply spoke words of wisdom, "Wait, stay in the present. Do not run ahead. Wait."

To you, Lord,
to you
I'll wait for you.
Your time, Lord,
your time.
My love awaits you.

Always and forever yours, Andrea