Saturday, November 3, 2007

Dear God,

They all came, all 20 of them. My family. Years of dispute, conflict, grief, anger, and sorrow. So many cut offs and distance. It ended today. It's over.

The visit of my nieces and their family prompted me to invite other members of the family for a day together. Everybody wanted to come. And when they arrived at my door I felt my own sad emotions dissipate as I hugged each one. I was genuinely glad to see them. They were my family again. The door to my heart was suddenly open, like one of those swinging doors that move easily, allowing easy entrance. My brother and sister. My nieces. My nephew. My daughters. In laws. And oh so many little cousins meeting each other for the first time.

At moments I just stood and listened. Squealing children playing on the hammock. Laughter on the patio. Teasing while playing a board game. Whooping and hollering during the Nascar race. Lucy, two years old, splashing, playing in the water all day...the pond, the toilet, water in her glass, little people covered in blankets walking back and forth through the halls and rooms crying out, "zombie, zombie, zombie," swooshing water pistols in the backyard. Sweet sounds to a heart that had grown cold and weary from years of pain.

My nieces and I devised a system earlier in the morning. Each time something was said or done that could possibly be a point of conflict (like leaving the kitchen and forgetting to finish the cookies, not saying the right word, looking the wrong way), we would assign so many years of cut off. Twenty years for leaving the cookies. An additional 18 months for not apologizing. Twenty seven years for leaving the coffee cup on the table. When the rest of the family came in, we continued our game and laughed like crazy. I think everybody got the idea.

You came early to my home. You set everything in place. You brought laughter and a magic formula for letting go. You sprinkled joy in every corner and peace for every heart. You carried contentment and serenity in your bag and love for each person. And erasers, erasers for each one who wished to erase the sins of the past, the harborings, resentment and bitterness. You brought an oversized dumpster where we could dump anger and our lists of faults and mistakes. You stayed with us all day. You were the prayer that put us back together again.

What can I say?
What praise can I offer?
What words can convey
my gratitude?
Daddy, Abba,
I come running to you,
lifting my arms
higher and higher.
Heavenly Father,
your grace
fills my home,
your mercy
fills my heart.
But your love,
it's your love
that fills my soul.

Loving you, Andrea