Monday, March 17, 2008

Dearest God,

Seasonal Affect, a deficiency of light. Someone talked to me about it today. The woman goes into a slump when she does not get enough light.

I do the same thing. However, I don't have the disorder. I'm fine with gray clouds and rainy days. But I'm not okay when I don't get enough light, your light, that is. Perhaps that's why worship is so important to me. I go to fill up on light, light that will sustain me through the day, the week. Light that will accompany me in my daily living. Light that will show me the way in my relationships, in my ministry, in my outreach to others. Light that makes me so full that I will want to share it with others.

Of course, the light is you. I want to fill myself up with your light because your light makes my life shine. It's what bubbles up inside me, then spills over onto others. I can't manufacture this light. Like going to a store to buy a 100 watt bulb, there is no way I can make this kind of light. But I can grasp onto it. I can see the light rays and I grab hold, hold on tight.

My writing you, our conversations together is an exercise in the light. The light shines first and I look into the light and there I see you. I reach for the light. I walk into it. I see the brilliance, the radiance and I say I want more. I want to live my whole life in the light. I don't like moving from light into darkness into light into darkness, the pattern of life. I want to permanently step into the light and there live all my days.

This desire to live in the light is not a death wish. Rather, it is a life wish. I want to live light. Yes, that's right, I want to produce light in my own life, so that every moment in time I am both in the light and producing light. The source is God, always God, only God. You are the light producer. "I am the light of the world." You said. I believe it.

Light,
Glorious Light,
you are.
Only because
I have lived
in darkness
can I recognize
the amazing beauty
of the light.
I am blind
without it.
Stumbling over obstacles,
I spend my time
wandering, worrying.
All the while
failing to just
live in light
and seeing my way clear.
Oh Lord,
give me a disposition
toward you always,
so that
when faced
with the choice
of light and darkness,
I will always choose
the light.

Love, Andrea