Monday, October 20, 2008

Dear God,

Remaining open to spiritual options that lead to your will is sometimes difficult for me. I struggle to keep the door open. If I perceive something through the door I may not like, something I imagine will make me feel uncomfortable, I may choose to remain where I am rather than walk through. Yet, my spirit will be restless; I know I am choosing my own way, my own will. I know I am rejecting your desire for me.

Because my desire in life is to be faithful, I do not rest in my spirit. There is a gnawing in my soul. How can I ask you to guide me, to lead me to faithfulness if I do not follow when you do indeed guide me? Why bother to ask if I do not obediently act as you have willed?

It seems I am nearer now in my life to knowing your will than ever before. When I allow my spirit to roam freely in your loving power, when I laugh and play freely, when I feel like a child discovering the universe, when my spirit is entirely open, you show me your will. When I am hesitant, reluctant to follow your leading, then I cease to roam joyfully. I can get stuck in a rut of my own making. I cannot dislodge myself. The muck begins to rise all around me. And I hear your gentle voice asking me if I would like to move once again.

These spiritual dance steps show me that you are alive, that in a mystery I will never fully understand, you are a guiding God. Knowing what the future holds, you whisper to me your will. You know what my following your will will lead to. You know how a life lesson will enable me to fully engage the future that will lead to wholeness either in myself or in a situation or condition down the road, albeit in my personal, professional or global life. You do expect us to follow because you know how our lives can make a difference in the world. One YES! here can make several YESSES! somewhere down the road.

Oh Lord,
make my life
one big YES!
A YES!
that can alter
the many NO'S
in the world.
How many times
have I said NO!?
So many times
I have
turned down opportunities
that will lead
to many YESSES!
your YESSES!.
O God,
teach me
to listen
in earnest,
to follow
obediently.
Teach me
your ways
again and again
and again.
I do not want
to leave
this earth someday
having lived
a life solely
of my own making.
What a loss.
How I would mourn
meeting you
as I stand
before you
having rejected
the best life possible?

Love, Andrea