Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dear God,

The strings that tug at my heart are deep. I am not a stone. I find that my tears are close to the surface, ready to spill over. I love deeply and long.

Throughout my life, dear God, I have loved and been loved. Grandparents, parents, siblings, cousins, uncles and aunts, husbands, children, grandchildren, friends. When I give my love away, I give part of myself forever. I can never retrieve love given away. I don't want to.

My love is changing and I don't like it. I am having to leave my church for retirement and my relationships will change. My life is changing with those I love the most in the world. My love is stretched.

Years ago I found my well of love emptying faster than the infilling. I felt sad, depressed and lonely. I crawled to your well to drink, never being disappointed. I drank from your well finding living water to be nourishing, refreshing. I replenished my supply.

In this changing time I find myself once again dehydrated. The love I sought for so long dried up, a product of fear and inability. What can I say in such deep despairing sadness?

How do you say goodbye to a love lived long? How do you repair a broken heart? How do you live through the loss? How do I remain at the well to drink?

Source of
living water,
I lay
at your well,
thirsty and dry.
I long
to drink,
missing the well
from which
I used
to drink.
My tears drip
as I sip
from your hand.

Love, Andrea