Thursday, May 21, 2009

Dear God,

I felt it slipping away. Mostly heat triggered my body systems to begin to shut down. My eyelids were so heavy I could not hold them up. My energy drained from me. Just minutes before I was perfectly fine. My head fell to the side as I started falling asleep. My heart pounded in my chest but ever so slowly. I felt it slowing, slowing, slowing. My breathing became shallow. The strength in my voice faded as I could only talk in a whisper. I shuffled my feet to the couch. I sat there, feeling limp and worn.

I have learned that strength in the face of difficulty can dissolve very quickly. Weakness takes the place of strength and if there are no reserves, I am left with nothing but faith. Fortunately I sat in my daughter's air conditioned home. She gave me something to drink. I sat and waited. I felt the downward trend begin to change and U, I call it. That is when I am descending and I suddenly hit a place where something else is triggered. My symptoms begin lessening and I begin the upward side of the U. My strength began slowly returning. The crisis passed.

I have experienced these crises several times. They are scary. My systems are not playing tricks on me; they are really shutting down. I can only be patient, rest, remain calm, stay cool, and trust you to help me through them. I learn each time how important trust is especially when there is nothing else to do.

You are
my savior
in so
many ways.
Sometimes
I do not
even have
the strength
to reach out.
I have
to trust
that you know
what is happening.
I have
to trust
that you
are present,
restoring me.
When I
am renewed,
my prayers
of gratitude
are lifted.
Thank you,
Most Wondrous,
Loving God.
I could not
live without you.

Love, Andrea