Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Dearest God,

I returned to the chair where wisdom is birthed. The wise woman sat across from me asking me questions. Together we discovered truth.

Early childhood beginnings hold truth. Sometimes I have to return there. I have to wander around inside my soul looking for my own life’s mysteries.

I shared my known truths. She guided me toward greater knowledge. We identified ages where unresolved happenings occurred leading me toward hurt, resentment and if the whole truth is to be told, bitterness. I blamed and judged others for my pain and suffering. I didn’t realize my own truth until the wise woman lead me through the forest of unknowing.

I came to the realization that I must always look inside myself for the cause of pain. Sometimes, maybe even often, maybe even very often the pain is my own, caused by myself although unconscious. I understand better that life experiences make us what we are. They become the norm through which we judge life.

I learned a truth about my own psychological development today. I found my strength has been borne out of suffering. When feeling alone I traveled to your heart looking for comfort. I was never been disappointed. I discovered strength the size of Solomon and I built up that strength over time.

Where I found trouble was in my expectations of my self and close loved ones. I learned the whereabouts of my weakness. I also learned more about others. I now have the understanding I longed for. Understanding is good; it gives clarity. However, when the truth rises up, it can confirm something that has been rattling around. I know why things are the way they are. I am sad.

Truthtelling God,
you are
the life force
running through
my veins.
You long
to reveal
the truth
about your children.
You desire
to teach us
and then
guide us
toward better living.
You move us
toward taking responsibility
and growing
our underdeveloped places.
You whisper
encouragement and hope
to every child.
I want
to take
my lead
from you.

Love, Andrea