Monday, August 10, 2009

My dear God,

As I lay comfortably in my sleeping bag on the floor at the end of my queen size bed, I thought of you. Two of my granddaughters had begged to sleep with me so we could watch one of their favorite movies. With bowls of popcorn, assorted special pillows and blankets, I was soon squeezed in the middle. After they fell asleep, I crawled to the end of the bed and made my bed on the floor. With two oscillating fans blowing on me, I hunkered down and fell asleep.

It was early this morning when I awakened that I thought of you. What rattled in my mind was this: When I fix my eyes on heaven, I am filled with hope, joy and peace. When I get fixed on my problems, I am filled with hurt, disappointment and anger. On one hand I am freed to live a life where I see the positive in the negative. I am enabled to be giving and loving. I am able to make a contribution to the world. On the other hand my world is tiny. I am front and center. I look to conserve, to protect myself from further harm.

As I lay there thinking of the last 24 hours I watched myself vascillate back and forth. I thought of joy. I remembered overcoming a fear. I thought of church and how good it felt to be in your presence. Then I thought of a sadness. I replayed the tape several times. I realized again how life is filled with choices. I asked you to help me fix my eyes on heaven.

When I
am faithless,
I am grateful
that you
are always faithful.
Thank you
for never
giving up
on me.
When I
ask you
to teach me
your ways,
often something
will happen
to me,
some negative something.
What I
have come
to understand
is your love
refines and purifies.
It redeems
and challenges.
When I
grant you permission
to teach me
your ways,
I am
asking you
to refine
and purify me,
to redirect me,
to change
and transform me.
In this way
my eyes
turn toward you;
as the
Master Teacher,
I give you
my attention.
O Lord,
keep me grateful,
I pray.

Love, Andrea