Sunday, August 9, 2009

Dear God,

I went out into the blistering heat. I went to church, to my home, to Wal-Mart and the bank, and finally to the market to buy tomatoes. I hurried from my car to the locations and back. But at my daughter's house, my temporary home, my energy drained so much that the thought of climbing the stairs to my bedroom seemed daunting.

I never knew how important energy was until I started having physical problems after surgery four years ago. I have always had an abundance of energy. I used that energy to work at the church, in my home, on projects and in relationships. Energy is a life source for me.

When my energy begins to drain, I feel life ebbing away. My breathing slows down. My body feels heavy. My limbs feel nearly useless. My eyelids fall. I can't stay awake. My world starts crashing. When I fall asleep, I am not sure I will wake up. My doctor is not sure I will either.

Such moments render me helpless. All I can do is give in to my natural instinct to sleep. My body is not capable of doing anything else.

During these times I have learned to draw into you. It's like laying my head on your pillow. I trust in you completely. I am convinced that the air I breathe is yours. I am that close. On one hand my situation is very frightening. There is nothing I can do to change what is happening. On the other hand I take your hand, trusting you for my life. I feel at peace.

Every situation,
any condition,
event or happening
can draw us
close to you.
I believe
we begin
and end
with you,
dear God.
Thank you
for moments
of fear
that present us
with an opportunity
to be close
to you.
Thank you
for great moments
of trust
that remind us
of your
wondrous love.

Always yours, Andrea