Thursday, July 30, 2009

My dear God,

The CD began playing "Seek Ye First." "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness," the song goes, "and all these things shall be added unto you..." I love this song but more than that I believe its message. Seek God first before all else. Seek God before asking for daily bread. Seek God first before the new car, the cool outfit, the latest technology, a relationship, money, even life goals.

As the music played, a question came into my mind. What do I look like when I seek God first? How do I look? What do I do when I seek you first? An image appeared before me. I smiled. What emerged in the forefront of my mind was a picture of me dancing before you. Unencumbered, liberated, clean and pure, joyous, grace and forgiveness free-flowing, beauty, and goodness. I liked this look. Why don't I wear this beautiful righteousness more often?

The next thought that came to me was nothing but words: layerings, coverings, masks, wrappings. Of course, all the things I put on myself to keep from revealing to the world who I really am. How many masks do I wear? I guess it depends on what role I am playing...mother, pastor, friend, sinner or saint. What coverings do I wear? Well, maybe those are the images I want people to see. What are the wrappings? I wrap myself in security, playing it safe. I don't want to appear frightened or lost. And the layerings, what are those? They are the buffers that keep me from being hurt. Daily I put on these things all in an effort to keep from being fully known. I'm certainly not the only one. I see the same things in others, especially those in great need of keeping their true identity a secret or at the least a mystery.

All these burdensome things I wear are heavy and cumbersome. Walking through the day keeping everything in place, not allowing a crack to show is a real challenge. If I am not very careful, someone might catch a glimpse of the real me I think to myself. Probably the truth is no one really wants to know who I am at the deepest level because they don't want to be exposed either. When in the presence of a real self, there is an unspoken pressure for others to be revealed. So we work hard to keep this neat and tidy image before those around us. Imagining a picture of millions of people walking the planet wearing all their stuff is funny to think about. A cartoonist should illustrate it to show how silly we look. However, not wearing our safety gear is risky, making us feel extremely vulnerable.

But then I go back to the simple image of me dancing for you. When my heart is right and yearning for you alone, when I lay down every sin, fear and doubt at your feet, when I pick up hope and grace, my load is lightened. I am free to dance for as long as you want me to dance. I smile because I am freed up from wearing the strange garb, carrying the weight, and playing the game. I am light as a feather dancing on the breath of God.

Weight-lifting God,
the real me
is all
you ever see.
The truth
is revealed,
exposed to
the heavens.
I can't
kid you
or myself.
You know
it all.
Strengthen my
inner core
inspiring me
to follow you,
to be humble
and obedient.
As I
allow you
to lay claim
on all
that I am,
I am
no longer distracted
by the whims
and desires
of the world.
I only
have to
answer to you.
Cleanse me
from within
and from without.
Search me
and find
if there
are any
threatening temptations.
For all
I want
in life
is to
be faithful
to you
and your will
for my life.

Love, Andrea