Tuesday, December 1, 2009

My dear God,

I am enjoying some prized moments of hope. In my hope, I experience love's freedom. With no holdovers from the past, I am allowing myself the joy that erupts in trust.

What I have discovered is that hope grounded in trust can lead to a new life. There is a freedom that comes, a liberation to act differently, to let go of yesterday's dismal disappointments and to take hold of generous possibilities for today and tomorrow.

I am experimenting in newness of life. I am taking steps of faith, rewarding myself with hope, courage, joy and even peace. I laugh more easily. I take less offense at something said that really has nothing to do with me. I am shedding the ability to hold on to hurts as they happen. I am letting go. God, that felt good just to say that!

All of this comes as I trust you to lead my life. When new doors swung open more than two months ago revealing truths hidden from my eyes, I have acted and have been astounded by what I have found.

I must confess that I had built a fortress around my heart. I had forged vast spaces out of that rock to carefully keep in place all my bitterness and resentment. I had held on to it honestly believing that it would shield me from further hurt. Strange, isn't it, such faulty thinking. On the other hand, how much hurt can a person endure?

As the light shined out of the space created by those open doors, I drew in a breath of wonderment. I cried for a long time both because of my appreciation of new grace given and also my own sense of responsibility for past sins I had not seen. Realizing my own inability to receive forgiveness and impart it caused me to want to hide myself from you. Yet, that was the last thing you wanted from me. And so I bowed down, literally and wept like a baby holding truth close to my soul. I came to the realization that this was the truth that could set me free just like Jesus said.

And so a miracle happened. While weeping my tears, my bitterness dissolved just like that in a quick blink-of-the-eye moment. It was suddenly gone. The light in the doorway entered my being and I felt lighter than I have felt in years.

There is so much I don't know about you, so much I still need to learn. Yet, what I came to understand in that God-given moment is that your love is so deep and wide and has every name on the earth written upon it.

You shine
your light
on us
every day,
Precious Lord.
You want
to reveal
the truth
to us
that can change
our lives.
You are
constantly transforming
the creation
and God,
I am
so grateful.

Love, Andrea