Sunday, November 29, 2009

My dearest God,

Today I returned home to the United Methodist Church. I could not imagine not being home for Advent.

There is something about the liturgy around Advent that speaks to me about the upcoming birth of a Savior yet again. I remember being at Grandma's church when I was a girl. She was a Methodist all her life, all 82 years. Every year Advent and Christmas get all tied up with my grandmother, her faith, her worship, her home, our family, my own devotion. When I went home on Sunday, all those momentous experiences came together for me.

Some days I wonder about my faith, if I have enough, if I am faithful enough, if I trust enough, if I lean on you enough. Of course, I know the answer is no, I do not. Yet, I frequently "check" myself bydoing a spiritual assessment. Advent helps me in this important exercise.

As I sat in church this morning, I breathed in the air of expectancy especially as we sang the final song, Come Thou Long-Expected Jesus. I realized I was ready to receive Christ again, not as a baby in a manger but as Savior of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Come, O Lord,
I welcome you
into my heart
once again.
I acknowledge
there are times
when I
clutter my
soul space
with worry,
anxiety, fear
and doubt,
thereby leaving
no room
for you.
Check me
and double check me
as I
accept my
own unwillingness
to keep open
the space
in my heart
carved out
just for you.
Help me
open more
and more
of myself
to you,
I pray.

Love, Andrea