Monday, November 23, 2009

My dearest God,

What does it mean to really trust you, to let go, to fall backwards in your arms, to not even hesitate to give one's own will to you?

I have spent years thinking about trust. Who do I really trust, I have asked myself through the years. Do I trust, really trust a member of my family? A friend? A church member? Do I trust a gossip, one who feels the need to know everything, then spreads what she knows? Do I trust a person who has broken a confidence? Do I trust love when my heart has been broken? Can I really trust after all?

A life without trust is like air without oxygen. What good is it? How can I relate to others if I do not ultimately trust them?

One of the life lessons I have learned is that trust is vital to any relationship especially my relationship to you. When I climbed the mountain of faith at the desert monastery, I felt stripped of my will. I felt the tearing away of my own protective wear. I was challenged to learn from you, to trust you to really lead me, to walk my faith, to love and be loved by you. You called me to trust you wholly.

As I listened, really listened to you, I came to realize that you are always to be trusted. There is nothing left to chance when I trust you. You never fail me; however, you do challenge me beyond my own comfort level. But that is exactly what you intend. What is trust if it does not challenge me beyond where I am?

In these days,
O Lord,
I am learning
from you.
I am clinging
to your hem,
knowing I
am close.
I am
trusting you
because you
are to
be trusted.
Hold me close
as I
hang on.
Lead me,
Lord,
lead me
to your destination
for my life.
I love you.

Always, Andrea