Saturday, February 6, 2010

Dearest God,

What fuels the human spirit? What force powers one person to rise out of the ashes of tragedy to build a future that makes a difference? What causes another to lose hope, sell out, and live a mediocre life wasted by a past that daily contrives the present?

Someone once questioned me why I write. Another shared their thoughts about my stability especially during a time when I was buried in grief and sorrow. I write because I want to live a disciplined life in a daily search for you. Life happens and perhaps it is not so much about what happens as much as how we handle what happens.

As I consider my own writing in my journey with you, I must confess a wide expanse of emotion. I have experienced heights I could never have imagined, moments of sheer glorious ecstasy where I knew you and I were breathing the same air. And I have traveled the depths of hell where despair and hopelessness held me captive. I have traveled the roads in between. I have questioned and doubted. I have sung your praise and cried out for your compassionate mercy. In life's perplexities and peculiarities I have always known that a soul who watches and waits for you is one who has a chance to rise up out of any condition in life. Although at times I felt myself in a dark, deep grave, I have also known I was not there alone. You were always with me.

My one life may be atypical or perhaps it is very typical, I'm not sure. But what does it matter? I experience life every day. I get up like most people. I travel through life sometimes with pain, confusion, frustration and even great joy. Sometimes life hurts me and I sink down. Sometimes those same hurts pave the way for a higher rising of courage, faith and strength. There are moments when I take hold of your hand early and together we walk the hot coals of life. But there are other times when I am not quick to respond favorably. I take the lower road, react negatively, act without hope and sink downward. And yet at some point in my daily walk, you hear my voice call out to you.

What can I learn about my response to life by sharing my innermost thoughts with you? What about my children, grandchildren, friends and even strangers? More importantly what can I learn about you and my yearning for a life of faith in the midst of daily wrestling as I write?

O God,
I am
a human
in search
for the divine.
I long
to make sense
of life,
the hows,
whats, wheres
and whos,
but more
than that,
I want
to live
life daily
in the clutches
of eternity.
I want
to learn
from you,
listen for
your voice,
take your lead,
adapt my life,
and be transformed
to share
something good
with the world.
You alone
are the power
to transform.
Transform me
that I
may be
a force
to help
transform the world,
I pray.

Love, Andrea