Saturday, October 21, 2006

Dear God,

Sometimes something you perceive in your mind does not become the reality you hoped for.

Since I didn't have to preach on Sunday, I was able to attend a Fellowship Group meeting at the home of one of our members. A weiner roast, lots of potluck foods, and a hayride were on the docket. I dressed warm.

When I arrived, cars lined the driveway and street. People were milling around the fire, some holding long, aluminum forks with hot dogs roasting. What a beautiful Autumn scene.

I walked into the barn/garage where the food lined the tables. I hugged a couple people, filled my ghostly paper plate (it is Halloween time) and stood with a small circle of people talking away.

"I went to the church this morning and the tile was still not laid in the halls." One woman told me. "What? That was supposed to have been put down yesterday." I told them. "I've been there several times checking things out. We have had problems. They had to make a lot of repairs. But I was told it would be put down yesterday. I'll have to go check it." I assured those who gathered.

I stayed for another hour visiting with people in the garage, around the fire, inside where it was warm. What a nice evening with friends. I couldn't get away.

Finally, I left and drove to the church. Cans and tools were spread around the old entrance. When I walked inside, the television was blaring, the door was propped open and tools were scattered. "What in the world?" I asked myself. I walked down the hall and around the corner. No workers. I went into the narthex where three members of the Hispanic congregation were talking. "Have you seen the tile workers?" I asked. "They went for dinner. They asked us to watch over the building." They replied back.

I shut doors, turned off the TV, and wheeled it into my office. I called the carpet man we had been dealing with. I told him the situation and he assured me that we could walk on the tile in the morning. I was glad of that. I thought we couldn't walk on it for two days. With that off my mind, I started to leave. Then I heard the guys talking in the hall. They had returned from dinner. They told me of more problems they had run into and that they wanted to do the best job for us. Basically, they said it had been a nightmare job, nothing square, door thresholds varying where the tile and carpet were to meet. I understood. Things would basically be ready for Sunday morning.

That was when it struck me. I didn't like the tile. I had initially met with the carpet man who gave us samples. I had picked out the ones I liked but kept some others so we could make a joint selection. Several people including the donor who was willing to pay half to have the job done looked them over. When the carpet man had suggested a pattern to break up the long white tile, I thought it was a good idea. We all did. The little samples laid out on the table looked good together. We made our selection.

But when the tile was laid, the little sample of the white tile with a few little flecks became a square of flecks with some white around it. Butted up against the "pattern" it looks so busy. I went home thinking the congregation was going to hate it.

Then I woke up at 4:00 a.m. still thinking about it. It's not like you can hide hundreds of square feet of hallway tile. (I had envisioned laying my body across it, trying to conceal it) It is what it is. You can't change it. And if people don't like it, you simply tell the truth. The sample was a poor representation of the tile.

Well, God, it looked good in my mind, in our minds. I know it will be a disappointment to some people. And I will be sad for that. I really will. And some may even think it is hideous, wanting to hang the person who selected the tiles. Good thing someone's already been hung for the mistake! I wouldn't look good hanging from my toenails.

There are those moments in life when you want or need someone else's approval or you just want to make someone else happy. But it doesn't always turn out that way. And disappointment comes. And people are unhappy. I'm not happy myself at the moment.

But life goes on. It won't be the last disappointment I will ever face. It's what happens to the disappointment when given to God that makes all the difference. Trusting God with our failures and our thwarted expectations is what faith is all about. I can either trust God or beat myself up. I know what God wants, desires for my life. I am constantly reminded of how much I need Him.

Oh my, Lord,
I sit here writing,
a little anxious,
a lot worried.
But you have many greater things
about which to be concerned
like the true suffering in the world.
Forgive me
when I get caught up
in the small things
and fail to keep perspective.
I need to remember
that you are God
and I am your child
in constant need
of your care.
As such,
I require
an ongoing relationship
where we talk often
about everything.
Thank you
for your constant faithfulness.
I guess I need to give you
the tiled floor
and my deflated ego.

Love, Andrea