Sunday, October 22, 2006

Dear God,

Oh my goodness! What I saw on Sunday morning is not what I observed on Saturday night! When I walked into the church on Saturday night, all I could see was new flooring with specks all over it. I disliked it very much! But on Sunday morning what I viewed was white tile with specks, a very nice flooring indeed. I liked it very much.

Which brings me to my question. Why was the flooring so objectionable last night? Why was it so distasteful? Were my eyes clouded over? Did I miss something? Was I colored in my thinking? I don't know the answer to my questions.

Was it my pride? Was there something deeper at stake in my soul? Was I afraid of being judged, criticized? I mean it was just tile!

Perhaps I suffered from a temporary blindness. Something hidden from me. But why? Why was I so worried? Where was my trust? Did I check it at the front door as I entered?

How many other times have I languished over nonsensical situations, conditions? My lack of confidence in God, in myself or others leaving me feeling vulnerable, afraid? Who do I fear? What is the source of my dismay?

Such times give me pause to reflect upon my eternal life with God. When I boil things down, what is left I ask myself. Is trust the final leaving? Do I ultimately trust all things, yes ALL things into God's hands? Do I believe God has a solution for every problem? Do I espouse the belief that God is in all things, nothing withstanding?

I do not want parts of my life severed from other parts. This part I trust with God; this I do not. I do not want to be unwhole. I want every fibre of my being to trust in God. No matter the cost, the sacrifice or the situation.

I realize that at times I am out of touch with God. I simply am not on the same wave length. I do not think about God in every situation. I am on my own in those moments when I become afraid or lose courage. I trust in myself only, my own resources, beliefs or opinions. I lose touch because I become my own god. My views of life are shortsighted. I see only portions of the truth. Like the scripture says, "I see only through a mirror dimly, but then with God I will see face to face. I will see all, the whole truth when I trust wholly in God.

My silly feelings about a new flooring at the church, one in which I had a part in selecting has served to bring me back to you once again. My spiritual awareness was pricked and I found myself wonting.

Looking into the glory
of your face,
Great Redeemer,
I recognize my smallness.
In your presence
when I am wholly trusting,
I am aware
of my shortcomings.
I so need to breath holy air,
taking in your grace and mercy.
Then I shall not be afraid
of the great or the tiny.
My heart will beat in rhythm
with the Divine.
And I shall dance
in delight
with the true Source
of my life.

You are everything, Andrea