Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Dear God,

Days sitting alone with God opens the heart and soul, renewing body, mind, and spirit. I read once that God is a jealous God. Why bother? We spend so little intentional time with God. And God knows we are rarely interested. Our minds are filled with other things. What I'm going to eat, my job, the next shopping jaunt, bills, relationships, my favorite television show...endless worrying, coveting, longing for something that is not yet ours. But...when we stop time with our love and sit at the Great feet, life comes into a balanced perspective. The air is cleaner, hearts lose their polluted spoil, anger is impoverished of its power, and the sweetness of life appears over and over, over and over again.

I still can't quite get my mind around the events of the last few days and frankly, not even in the last several hours. I thought gratitude was, as the dictionary describes, "an appreciative awareness and thankfulness." But it is more, so much more and why? Isn't it enough to have received an answer to a long line of prayers and breathed a prayer of gratitude? It could be. But setting aside time, littering the pathway to gratitude with all our worries and concerns and anything else wandering around in there, leads to something else.

God wants to give us more, not just the answered prayer. And God uses all the senses to show us more, to the point of being overcome. Doesn't seem possible or practical. But it is. Entering a season of gratitude is not about longing for more. It is actually saying what I have is enough, more than enough, my goodness. But God chooses to give more.

The gifts of 72 hours or is it 100 hours now of bringing to mind the wondrous gifts, the blessings of God are unequaled to anything I know. They are still coming.

My husband received an invitation from a beloved family member, not quite sure he would ever hear from her again. And yet it came. Did gratitude bring it, even if it wasn't his own? And did Harold act upon a nagging thought of a colleague by accident, calling his wife and finding out he is in serious physical and emotional trouble? Were the two brought together by a deeper sense of wondering? Are these events coincidences or intersections of God?

Do we enter an unfamiliar realm as we live in gratitude without expectation of anything more? If so, why are we here? It may be absolutely apparent to me that God's love is boldly being given again and again. But is there more to learn, an insight I need to grasp, a truth before me? Am I being remade, my insides changing?

Yesterday as I walked on the treadmill, I did as I usually do. I recalled to mind those who need prayer. Ann who is dying. Dorothea who is recovering from surgery. A child. Mothers, fathers aching for their children. But as I walked, the music played and I closed my eyes. I saw the longing heart of others. And today as I walked, I realized I truly was holding each one, walking them one step closer to God. And the music, it was like God and I were singing the songs to them, words of hope, love, affection, faith. What awesome moments. Here I was walking to better my health, but God wanted to give me more, a privilege of carrying others, singing to them, taking them to God, offering them up. And my arms are light as feathers as I hold each one up to God. And the soft, gentle joy I felt brought not just a smile to my face, but more gratitude to my heart.

It doesn't stop. Gratitude brings more gratitude, startling new discoveries, and inner peace and contentment, joy. I simply cannot take it all in.

Can life be lived like this all the time? Should be. It makes for a nicer person, happier, more free, insightful. It quiets the spirit, brings greater hope and joy. It changes things at oh so many levels.

I think Francis, St. Francis was aware of this experience. His philosophy of offering everything up, every good thing, everything, is like this. The gift received is the gift offered back up to God in gratitude. He kept pretty much nothing for himself except for the joy of receiving God's goodness and living in grateful giving.

Of course! Of course! Why have I been so blind? Francis has been my spiritual mentor for a long time. I became reaquainted with him after a long absence during my renewal. Our coming together, a blending of our spirits, taking his hand, acknowledging his presence to help me has brought his spirit to life within me. And the gratitude, it was how he lived every day. He saw God in everything and he blessed God with his heart of thanksgiving. He knew God's presence even in the hardships; yet he believed he received the gifts of God in the midst of it and he prayed until his heart was full of gratitude. For days on end he would pray, offering what he had to God. His forgiven sin, a momentary pleasure, an answer to a prayer, a hope or the joy of helping another, a human or feathered friend. Francis is teaching me about gratitude. I can't explain how or why, it's a mystical question.

Which only brings me back to more gratitude.

My heart is oh so full,
full of thanksgiving.
Today could be a disaster;
but God will be in it.
And gratitude will follow.
Or today could be more of God,
revealing life
from the well of living water
where ladles of gratitude
will be available.
Profound moments.
God.

Awestruck, Andrea