Sunday, November 25, 2007

My dearest God,

Lifeboats, I talked about lifeboats today in church. From the lifeboats provided for the sinking Antarctica cruise ship crew and passengers to the lifeboats given to King Josiah and his people in the days of old to the lifeboats thrown out for me and everyone else, I remembered the times you have rescued me, put me carefully in a lifeboat until help came. I recalled riding on the waters, thinking, reflecting, praying like crazy. Sometimes my wait was short, a few minutes or hours. But there was this ride that lasted 13 years.

Lifeboats. I realize now that every time I felt the agony of rejection, hurt or sorrow, I felt I was floundering in the deep water alone. But now I realize that was because I was not always conscious of the lifeboat I was in. The water was so choppy, the waves so high, I couldn't feel the boat holding me up, keeping me safe until the storm passed. I was exhausted, worn out from the ride. But never once did I go under and stay there. You brought me back up again and again. I was never really in danger of drowning. I just felt like I was.

Lifeboats. My grandmother's faith. The word of truth. The silence. My own faith. Friends and family's prayers. The church. An encouraging word. A challenge. My writings, yours really. My grandchildren. Surrender. On and on. All lifeboats.

Maybe that's why I like to sing "It is Well with My Soul." It talks about sorrows like sea billows rolling and peace like a river attending my way. The storms of life happen and they are filled with fear and pain. But I know that nothing is beyond your hand. A lifeboat waits for me...every time. All I have to do is climb in, ride it out, trust your hand to hold me while I'm being knocked around in the stormy seas. The sun will shine again. The clouds will pass over. Peace will come.

It already has.

Loving Creator,
the seas and my soul
belong to you.
I ride on the waters
in the vast deep
at times.
Sorrow locks me up,
holding me captive.
But not forever,
for a short time really
in the scheme
of things.
I have but to trust in you,
to learn to turn my troubles over,
to let go
of my anguish and fear,
give them to you.
Riding in a lifeboat
is so much better
than bobbing up and down
in the deep
all by myself,
no life preserver in sight.
I'll surely drown that way.
Thank you,
my dearest God,
for preserving my life
again and again.

With all my love, Andrea