Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Dear God,

I continue to come to you for trust. One woman is coming to me for trust, wants to find a way to make the trust she learned about when she was a child come alive. She knows she trusts you but trust has been broken through the years. Now, she needs to learn to trust again.

Why is it that trust can readily be formed in some cases and not in others? Why is it that trust can be lived out in one situation and not in another? Is it about learning how to trust one's own self? Can I trust myself to relate here, but doubt my ability to trust over there?

I want to have the strength of trust in my life. I want to fully trust. I recognize that there are many situations where trust may not be possible. Yet, somewhere, somehow I know that I am being called to trust more.

There is so much at stake. A lifetime of relationships. One decision may have the power to change the course of lives. I know it; yet, I shrink from it, failing to trust who? You? Me? Others?

While I sat in my car talking to the woman about trust because my office was too cold, the thoughts of my own decision to trust were running through my head. Will I? Will I trust myself and you, Lord, even though the "others" may not be trustworthy? Or maybe they are, but my view is distorted because I see only one picture.

Like the woman talking about her fears, I have to look at my own. I need to allow you to show me the way, focus on the focusable and let go of the blur. I need to take the step although it is scary, like a pitch black hallway leading to somewhere, but you don't know where.

I remember your words, "I am the light of the world." Even the darkness is not darkness to you. I need to follow the light, allowing it to shine where it is not shining. Perhaps my thoughts of the darkness does not allow the possibility for some light to be shining. If light meets lights, then perhaps there is a chance for a light explosion sending rays in every direction. Trust can lead me to the light. Or maybe I have to follow the light to find trust.

Light giver,
I need your light
to help me find
the way to trust.
Oh, I trust you.
I trust you greatly.
But this situation
calls for greater trust.
And if I am
to be the overcomer
you have called me
to be,
then I must follow your light,
look down, look up, side to side,
then walk,
one step in front of the other,
to the place
you have called me
to be.
Grow my trust,
Lord,
grow my trust
in me, in you.

Love, Andrea