Sunday, September 28, 2008

Dearest God,

I am learning that I need to awaken each day in trust. An act of faith. Even before crawling out of my bed, I need to reaffirm my faith in you. To take my stance. To recommit.

Sometimes thoughts swirl in my head as I lay in my bed in the dark early hour before I rise. A thought about a child awaiting news about her health or a grandchild the same. A worry or concern about the church and how to handle a particular situation. Maybe it's just about unfinished work. Often it is about our world and your people, especially those who suffer silently, those who are abandoned or forgotten, those who are in unimaginable situations. And so I pray.

How I wish I could daily live my life practicing fervently the spiritual disciplines. How I desire to honor you first thing in the morning before I do anything else, yet, I let my mind roam freely about other matters. I don't even know I am doing it until something, someone stops me; your voice calls me back and I say, "Oh Lord, I am sorry."

If I place trust at the beginning of the day instead of in the middle or later, I know my life with you and others would be so different. Walking in faith, instead of in doubt, anger or worry would reprioritize my life. I would become a model of trust for others. But I fail; so often I fail.

As we face uncertain times, I know you are calling me to a deeper life, a life that trusts you on every front. A life that is always a "Yes, God!" rather than a whine and doubt and fear. I know I need to pilgrim to the well first thing in the morning, the well of living water. If my first drink in the morning is the water that gives new life, then I will walk in faith, trust in you for the difficult moments, and live in joy even if my heart is hurt or I am overcome with fear. I need to always have my cup ready, to carry it with me, and be prepared to draw the water that will help quench my thirst.

Sometimes I think I am thirsty for one thing, only to realize later that my thirst is really my need for you. I may want to drink from some other cup which will never provide me with the water I need to not only survive, but thrive. In every condition of life, I always come back to my need to walk more closely with you.

I have
my cup ready.
May I
have courage
to empty it
of unnecessary stuff,
making it ready
for the source
of life.
Fill my cup,
Lord,
fill my cup
with you
and you alone.
Remove the scales
from my eyes
so that
I may see clearly
my need
for you.
When I am thirsty,
help me
draw from
your well
first,
not last.
Lead me,
O Lord,
lead me.

Love, Andrea