Thursday, October 30, 2008

Dearest God,

Feeling sick can alter the emotions. Things can look bleak and gloomy. If I'm not careful, it can be the reality out of which I live.

I didn't feel well today and I began to fall under the bar of hope and joy. Trying to push through my work, caring for others and continuing to do the work I do in my home felt overwhelming to me. As I looked outside myself, I felt somewhat lost.

As I fight my own health battles, I realize that hope is not fed by emotions nor by health issues or by any other human condition. Hope is a belief founded in God. It is not a hope that I will get better or win the lottery or that my life will be made rosy by others. Hope is much more. It is the foundation that I get up to stand on each morning. Hope is a connection, a connection to you, Almighty. Hope is the air I breathe. It is the ability to smile whether the weather is blue skies and sunny or gray and cloudy. Hope is an inner joy that my life is more than my health. It is more than my relationships. It is more than my work. It is more than my own pitiful offerings in life. Hope is trust. It is putting my small hand into the Creator's hand, one simple gesture.

It is when people lose hope in whatever they have placed it in when they come to see me. By that time they feel hopeless about a certain situation or condition. It is my work, my ministry to help declutter the foggy picture. It is my challenge to help them transition from the paltry, polluted air they breathe to the air of the spirit, so full of life, harmony and peace. It is not a false hope that I lead them to. In reality I can't change anyone. I have no power, no authority, no responsibility. However, I can pick up my paint brushes given to me at the throne of grace to begin to paint a new picture, one with greater resources, with love and faith. It's all I can do plus live out of my own hope. Sometimes I share a story of my own loss of hope and how it returned, not because my situation changed but because my inner self moved into a different direction of faith. I turned to you.

I had to stop for a moment today, to redirect my thoughts. My life is not my sadnesses or lackings but rather it is my joy in my one great relationship with you, my Beloved God.

Love of my Life,
I turn
to you
on gray days.
I lean
on you,
O Great One,
knowing that
you are the One
who is
sure and steady
when everything else
around me
is shaking
on its foundation.
I pause
to listen
to eternity's whisper.
May it
always be so.

Loving you, Andrea