Thursday, January 15, 2009

Dearest God,

I haven't been to the monastery in a month. I have missed it. I wasn't sure I could warm to this monastery after having been with the Carmelites for 20 years. But the ride assured me that my heart has a longing for the home of God in Beech Grove.

It is a home to God dedicated to you and your loving challenge. What person is left alone, untouched by God? Someone who has said no so many times that their heart is completely hardened to the idea of God? Someone whose heart is apathetic? I think no one is untouched. I believe you are always inviting us to your side like an attentive, loving mother calls her own children.

In our spiritual manner having shared in silence, devotion and prayer, we update one another on our challenges. We listen, a kind of holy listening, attending to the words of our colleagues and spiritual brother and sister. We always trust that you are in the room guiding our questions, offering prayer and respite from the daily trials. And then we hold hands and pray, asking for your help and guidance as we walk our faith and minister to our people.

What secrets are held in the monastery? What confessions have fallen into your hands? What tears have been shed knowing they are safely heard and collected by hands so loving? What hope has been found? Peace and joy discovered? Strength and courage gained?

Your home is where honesty is a given. We remove our garments that shield us from daily hurts and harm. We allow ourselves to be vulnerable because we know that you and our colleagues will listen and hear, never offering advice, just gently asking questions that lead us to our own truths. We speak knowing you hear and care. Each of us realize we are a hand of God to one another. You are the true guide.

As we turned out the lights, walked to our cars in the bitter cold, and drove away, I thought again of how blessed I am. I had left behind what I needed to leave behind knowing that I still carry my challenges with me. I felt lighter, loved with an agape love and supported.

I give you
my love today
knowing
you are
the source
of my hope,
comfort and peace.
How blessed
I am
by your hand.
I trust you,
Lord,
most of the time.
Forgive me
when my own will
gets in the way
crying out
for its own way.
My return
to you
is always sweet,
always giving me
what I need
and then
reminding me
that I need
to give
to others.
Thank you
for the support
that holds me
so that
I may be strengthed
to hold up others.

Love, Andrea