Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dearest God,

A new day began today, a fulfillment of dreams long ago. I stood in the hospital room holding the hand of my extremely ill friend as Aretha Franklin sang My Country Tis of Thee. I was proud to be an American then as peoples of all kinds united together for the inauguration of Barak Obama.

So many emotions welled up within me today. Joy and sadness, fear and hope, determination and doubt. I stepped out in faith today by asking for help. I want to explore my fundamental inner resources. Too many losses have caused me to drop down low, finding myself scraping the bottom of my own barrel. I don't stay long but I do know I need to rebuild. I took a good step moving closer to a deeper trust in you and in myself.

I am very clear that I am not you. I know I do not have the power to change much. If I could change the health of my friend, I would. But I don't have the power. She looks up into my eyes as if to say, "Help me." I give her my friendship and love. I hold her hand and kiss her on the forehead when I leave. I tell her I am praying for her, many are. But I can't change her situation. I look at her and I wonder about her future.

I wonder about mine and about the future of others around me. Will change be positive for us? Will changes bring about the transformation we are looking for? I'm looking for? Will change, even the changes I am making bring about a true transformation like the one we are hoping for in America? I guess that's where my own fear comes in, wondering if I have the wherewithal, the strength and courage to make the necessary changes that will bring about a transformation in my own life. Changes that I will need to make, opening the door to transformation, the kind only you can make.

What I know for sure is that change is coming, like it or not. All around me and inside me. There is only one I can allow in to make the change.

Great Changemaking God,
I bow
at your feet.
Like a child
I cry out
for help
and not
any help,
I want
lasting help,
the kind
that makes
the soul
honest and truthful
with itself.
I want
to trust you
so much
that I am enabled
to fulfill
your will
for my own life.
I want
to fulfill
not only your dream
for my own
personal life
but also
for my life
that makes
a contribution
in the world.
I would
never be satisfied
with a
selfish, self-centered life.
I need
to give
and to receive.
I need
to share
what I know,
what I have,
what I am
with others.
What good
is life
if lived
solely for one's
own self?

Love, Andrea