Friday, February 13, 2009

Dear God,

In the early morning I looked outside. My contemplative garden was filled with debris and clutter after the storm. Limbs, branches and twigs were all over my yard. I decided it was time to clean and spruce up.

I worked for two or three hours, picking up the fallen tree branches. I pulled dead leaves from plants that will soon erupt with green. I cut back stalks and picked up the leavings of oriental grasses. It felt so good clearing and cleaning.

While working it came to me how I was doing the same thing in my life. My countless conversations with you have shown me the way to clear and clean in my own life. Although painful in some areas, I realize that clutter will remain in place until I ask you to help me move it or let it go. This activity is so important; yet, I often hold on and hold on even though I know the clutter is keeping me from leading a fruitful life.

Clutter and debris left behind from the storms in my own life rot and decay my soul. Not only that but they keep me in a fog. I just can't get clear about the direction in my life. I accumulate until I am full up. Your word of challenge calls for the clean up, the clearing work. I ask myself why I wait so long. But then I know the answer. The remnants of the storms have brought me the truth and the truth has shown me what I must do. Sometimes, perhaps even most of the time this is a painful process, one that produces tears and sorrow. If there is one thing I know about myself, it is that I hold on for a very long time, way beyond when I should have taken action. It's just that the clean up hurts so much.

Cleaning and clearing
in my own life
must be
a challenge
for you, Lord.
You are always
revealing yourself
to me,
showing me
the way,
teaching me,
guiding me.
But I don't listen.
I can't
let go.
That which is
so precious
is so hard
to release.
Yet, I know
that true healing
will never
take place
without this action.
And I know
that if I
really want
to live
a life
of faith,
then I must
surely trust you
to know
more than me,
to lead me
in the ways
of hope.
Sometimes
it is
downright hard,
dear God,
and I want
to do
the right thing.
In the end
I want
to be faithful,
O Lord,
I want
to be faithful.

Loving you, Andrea