Saturday, February 14, 2009

Dearest God,

Some days I hide behind third person. It is easier to talk about us and we than I and me. I moralize and philosophise rather than speak directly from inside myself. Sometimes my own voice feels paralyzed to be honest and forthright. I skirt the issues. I shuffle around. And why? Because the truth screams to be revealed and sometimes the truth is too painful to speak.

Some days I push and shove to get a giant boulder up the side of the mountain. I huff and puff, using every ounce of energy I have. Some days I actually get it to the top only to discover by morning it has moved to the bottom once again. Perhaps I should never have moved it in the first place. Maybe it wasn't even mine to move.

I am trying to make sense of my own little world. I am trying to live by faith but often I fail and plummet to the depths weeping from the inside out. My weeping gets me nowhere except that sometimes releasing the tears helps relieve the stress I feel.

Trying to keep my life in balance is my greatest task at the moment. Grasping for your help means that at least I am not trying to do this all alone. I know the source of love and hope is always you.

I fall
at your feet
again and again.
And I always
find you waiting.
My heart
feels sad
and I wonder
if I can
continue the journey.
But always,
always
you remind me
that the load
is carried
by two--
you and me.
In fact
you have
the greater share.
It's what
you do.
And I am left
with gratitude
and thanksgiving
and a commitment
to keep
on going.

Love, Andrea