Saturday, May 30, 2009

Dear God,

Living in the middle is my life right now. I am in the middle of retirement preparation. I am in the middle of surrendering my theological books and ordination stoles to Africa. I am in the middle of deciding what I need in the future. I am in the middle of saying goodbye to one I love very much. I am in the middle.

I am an adventurer. I love to begin a new thing, a new project, a new element of faith, a new journey. I love to complete a project, adjust to new faith surroundings, check off something on my list. Beginnings and endings I can do but living in the middle is more difficult.

Although I don't like living in the middle of things because I find it unnerving, unsettling, and haphazard, there is some security in the middle of things. I know I am in the middle, not yet at the end. I can walk around in the middle for a long time sometimes. I can stay in the middle pushing off decisions, holding on to things, keeping my roots in place. At times the middle is the place to be. But at some point the middle will throw you out saying, "Let's put an end to this NOW." I will have to discern whose voice is speaking. If it is your voice, I will have to start packing.

I love you,
Lord.
You are
the rock
in my faith.
You are
the greatest voice
of love
in my heart.
You are
the word
of reason
and hope
in my mind.
You are
my guide,
leading me
to unknown places.
To you
I owe
my complete trust.
Teach me
to embrace
new beginnings,
middler moments
and endings
knowing you are
pointing the way.
Teach me
the value
of personal surrender,
I pray.

Love, Andrea