Friday, November 26, 2010

Dear God,

We were late arriving at the mall. By 9:30 a.m. we had to circle several times to find a place to park. But no problem, my daughter and I planned a few hours to shop and what we were able to purchase was fine with us.

It was when we walked into Macy's that a strange emotion hit me. I brushed it off as we selected several items from the men's department and got into a long line. Finally, I turned to my daughter and shared what I was feeling.

Thirteen years ago this same daughter and a friend strongly urged me to go Christmas shopping although I was not up to it. I was taking pain pills for two painful biopsies. I had breast cancer and knew my breast would be removed the day after Christmas. The shopping frenzy was nauseating to me as I watched people shop for items most of us don't need and spending money that could better be spent elsewhere.

That day I wondered if we had all lost our minds and our faith. It seemed as if holiday shopping itself was our Christmas delight. No mind that you were reentering our world for yet another glorious celebration of the birth of your son. I have to confess that I thought it would be better to be honest and just say it was a secular holiday void of any religious meaning. That way we could stop pretending that we were part of the party.

I had my successful surgery on December 26 and I reveled in the joy I felt as I leaned wholly on you before, during and after my recovery. You were the sole source of my hope and peace. My faith soared as I learned to trust as never before and it didn't have as much to do with the victory over cancer as much as the reality of your 24/7 presence as I faced one of the most difficult challenges of my life.

I don't like to shop but I do like to give, to share part of myself with others. Every Christmas season I am reminded that the only reason for the season is truly the birth of a savior into the cosmos. I am just a teeny speck in the design of eternity and I need to be shaken every season to remember why Christmas exists. Keep reminding me, Good Lord, keep reminding me.

Let your spirit
stir within me
recalling to mind
the wondrous gift
of Christ.
Refine me,
cleanse me,
and make
me ready
not only
to receive him
but also
to give
him away
to others.

Love, Andrea