Monday, November 20, 2006

Dear God,

I responded to the letter I received the other day, the one I had longed for for 12 years. I typed my response in the e-mail. Before I clicked the "send" button I felt anxiety fill my frame. Not knowing the response to my response, I felt afraid. I read and reread my letter. It was honest, open, and forthright. My love was apparent. What more could I say? I clicked and the icon read, "on its way." On its way, it's on its way.

Writing from the gut, exposing my vulnerabilities is difficult and scary. But the letter demanded a response. I had to be willing to be vulnerable; that's where truth resides. It's the only place from which to write, communicate.

Trust. The person wrote me, trusting that I would read it, respond. Exhibiting a good deal of trust after so long, I was amazed. I had to write from the same place. I had to trust the person would read mine as well. I hope I too will receive a response, but that's not why I wrote it. I just wanted to give back, not expect anything, but hopeful that I might hear something once again.

Trust. I have learned to trust God more than ever before. My prayer is that God will trust me in what I do, in what I say, in how I live out my ministry. Not that I expect to be perfect; I am far from that line. I just want to hold hands with the Holy that I might make a better witness in the world. I want to trust God to lead me.

There's really not much more to say. A case in trust lead one to write after 12 years and this one to respond. Maybe we will be given the chance to build trust together. Hoping and praying.

Scary endeavors
can lead to greater trust.
Opening one's self
to the deepest dimensions
of truth and hope
is a path
toward healing and wholeness.
Still scary,
but a step in the right direction,
a journey,
a greater journey toward God.

Love, Andrea