Monday, November 12, 2007

Dearest God,

To you I give all my praise. To you I offer my heart full of gratitude. To you I bring the offerings of my heart.

As I caught first view of what's called the "Land of Enchantment" (New Mexico) I knew I was home. I felt such peace and joy.

The spiritual landscape became once again the home where I would dwell. Awaiting your messengers who would lead me, telling me the stories of life, faith, light, courage, joy, peace, and home, more than all these, I knew they would guide me to you.

On the plane my recurring prayer was, "I trust you, Lord, I trust you. I did not ask for safety, a better plane ride with no bumps; I prayed in assurance, in trust. "I trust you, Lord, I trust you. And when my heart floundered, I sang the new song, "We need you, Lord, we need you. We need you, Lord, yes, we do." The song circled in my head as I prayed.

Lost trying to find Federal Service Road 151, the dirt road to the mountain desert, we kept driving back and forth on the highway, looking and watching. After stopping to ask for directions, we finally found our way as the sun was beginning to set just behind the mountain. At points along the road, the sun was in our eyes as we traveled up the winding, steep, narrow road. I drove until we made our first scary turn. Then I stopped and asked one of my companions to drive the rest of the distance, another ten miles.

By the time we found our rooms in the monastery guesthouse and carried in our luggage, the white sliver moon high in the dark sky guided our footsteps as we made our way down the rocky, dusty, dirt road to the dining room. Sitting in the lounge area following dinner in silence, I answered the questions of my traveling pilgrim companions. And then we went to compline, the seventh and final worship service of the day. We bowed our heads to receive the water blessing.

In the pitch black night, we walked with our lanterns beneath the Milky way, zillions of stars shining their tiny star lights. And we then began our silence. I heard my soul cry out.

Oh Lord, who could turn from you?
Who could reject your light?
Who could say no?
How many times my heart has turned away.
How often I have rejected your light.
How frequently have I said no to your yes to me?
A hundred times, a thousand?
I fell before you, Lord.
At your feet I cried out my sin.
Soften my jealous heart I prayed.
Good God, every grace comes from you.
Your mercy drips upon me like golden honey.
I am ashamed.
I hide my face.
Cleanse me from all my unrighteousness,
my misdeeds;
let your light fall upon me,
even though I am unworthy.

Love to you always, Andrea