Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dearest God,

What is prayer? An intentional act to set a fire under the Almighty? A checklist of requests intended for change? A method to relieve the burdens of the soul? What is prayer?

As I was praying for family, friends, the church and the world, I thought about what I was doing. I was asking you to do something. I wanted you to change the world. I wanted you to help the needy, the sorrowing, the brokenhearted, the sick and frightened. I wanted you to help and guide people I love. I wanted you to brighten the church's ministry. In essence I wanted you to do the work of prayer.

Is that the intention? To get you to do something that helps and changes my world? Or is there something more? Is the intent to get me to care? To care more deeply about what happens in the world and at home? Is it about me changing, being transformed so that I do the work of prayer? To help alleviate suffering, bring light and healing to others by my loving acts? Is prayer about faith and love in action, the human and divine working in cooperation with one another? Is prayer more than my wanting?

Humbled by the thought that I am arrogant when I rattle my list and don't do my own work causes me to rethink how I live my faith in the world. Am I worthy enough to be a transforming agent, first by my own transformation? Is prayer a verb rather than a noun, one that requires action on my part? If I want change in the world, am I to take the second step, the first by praying and the second by acting? Is prayer a partnership rather than an idle asking?

My discomfort in asking you to do it all brings to mind my own need to change. Perhaps that is the intent.

Turn my insides
outside so I can see
the true picture
of myself.
Am I sensitive,
kind and loving?
Am I giving,
compassionate,
desirous of helping others?
Do I give credit
to you
rather than
take credit myself?
Do I recognize
my own need
to change
before I ask
for change
in others?
Does my heart beat
in rhythm
with you
or do I expect
your heart
to beat
in my own
heart tune?
O God,
may I change
to be
more like you
so I can
help in this thing
called prayer.

Love, Andrea