Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Dearest God,

The more I trust you, the more I learn from you. Uncomfortable situations, life’s hurts, and unrealistic expectations can spiral quickly into pain, sorrow, resentment and anger or they can help create an environment for growth, life lessons, faith, courage and strength.

During some of the most troubled times in my life, I found myself spiraling downward. My hurts and uncontrolled emotions led to deep divisions in my soul. I cried out, “Abba, Father.” I knew that calling your name would shift my focus, giving me ample time to move from blame and judgment to a loving trust that would teach me the basics of life such as compassion, wisdom, mercy, understanding, faith, forgiveness and love.

I have to confess to you, Loving Father, I did not always move swiftly and easily. More often than not, I did not, could not move because I did not trust you enough to help me as much as I needed. In those moments I fell into despair and wept bitterly. Although you remained as close as my breath, you allowed me to stay in that sad place for as long as I wanted. Only when I raised my head and allowed you to breathe upon me drying up my tears did you intervene, taking me into your arms like a daddy with his baby girl. That was always the beginning of yet a new life.

I have come to realize that it is not so much what happens to us as how we handle what happens to us. You frequently present me with questions. Do you want to be healed? Do you want your joy restored? Do you desire life over death? Do you want to know the truth? Do you want to be set free from your sadness? Do you want to discover the meaning and value of your experience in order to walk the pilgrim way with me? Do you want the treasure that comes from trusting me in every day life?

Most Holy
and Wondrous God,
what is
the true value
of life
if not lived
trusting you?
Life is
not always
what I
want it
to be.
I don’t
always get
what I want.
However,
I always get
what you
want most
to give me –
an unconditional love
that waits
for me
to receive it.

Love, Andrea