Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My dearest God,

How does one become more holy, devout, pious, and self giving? How can an individual become completely yours?

This rainy afternoon I watched Frances and Clare, a movie about the saints. Since St. Francis is my favorite saint, I wanted to glean from him his devotion, love, humility and obedience. I wanted to better understand what it takes to live a life fully devoted to you.

As I sat on the edge of my seat observing a man unafraid of what people thought, willing to give away all he possessed like wealth, status, and privilege and utterly committed to the cause of Christ, I felt the warm tears of failure. How much love does it take to break down society's defenses against living an untraditional life of faith?

I live a happy, contented life; yet, I want so much to love you more, to live for you, to bend my will to yours, to make a witness, to create change, and to build love in our world. I want to want what you want, give what you want me to give, change what you want changed and live the kind of sacrificial life that you desire. How do I do it, Lord?

I know that asking you to teach me your ways is to ask for trouble. A contented life can become a distressed life because the bottom can sometimes fall out wreaking havoc with all that is stable and steady. But if I do not ask for spiritual lessons, what will become of me, my faith and my life? I do not want to die as one in love with the status quo. I want to be utterly yours, doing what you ask, living a life that makes a difference in the world. What good is a life dedicated to fulfilling one's own dreams unless they are your dreams?

Challenge me,
O God,
to more
fully understand
the requirements
of faith.
Educate me
making me able
to discern
your divine will.
Reshape my desires
to mirror
your own.
Make me
a willing participant
in your
divine story.
Never let me
be at ease
with the hurts
of the world
when I
can do something
to help.
Take away
every falsity
so that
I will
be filled
with only
your truth.
Show me
the way,
I pray.

Love, Andrea