Monday, November 29, 2010

Dearest God,

I know I am not always a willing participant in the acts of faith. I know I am resistant at times. I can be stubborn and belligerent. Yet, this morning as I prayed before rolling out of bed, I heard your valuable words to me.

I have to confess there are times when I am reluctant to pray for those who have disappointed or hurt me. When I feel really pained by someone, I sometimes want to leave them in the proverbial spiritual dust rather than pray for them. However, you never leave me alone in that decision. You nudge me. You challenge me. You gnaw at me. You remind me until I come around.

This morning before dawn you spoke to me in the middle of my prayer as I hesitated to pray for someone. You said, "Obedience is better than resistance." You are right. Obedience is better than resistance in the spiritual life.

Later as I thought about it, I realized that praying for our "enemies" is an extremely valuable exercise for many reasons. One is that praying keeps the edges of our heart soft toward the person. It also helps the heart to remain warm and loving. It makes grace possible. It wards off the temptation to be self absorbed. It creates an environment for miracles to occur. It allows you to meaningfully work in our lives. It keeps a natural balance in our relationship, yours and mine. I am, after all, not God. It teaches me to reach higher for your will instead of settling for my own.

Loving and Amazing God,
keep me
where you
want me,
in and close.
Teach me
to seek you first.
Remind me
that I
am yours
rather than
the other way around.
Cause me
at each
day's end
to give thanks
and to pray
for others.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dear God,

I got up early in order to work on a Christmas project. I was so pleased and having so much fun that when I saw what time it was, I realized I was going to be late for worship. I jumped in the shower, dressed and hurried to the church. As I opened the narthex door, a warmth spread through me. I smiled because I came to the awareness that I love dropping whatever I am doing in order to enter your gates.

You have given me a zest for life. Even when life is difficult, you have given me the ability to find something good, something positive, something meaningful out of life. More often than not, I love whatever I am doing.

This season I have loved making special somethings for each of my grandchildren. I can't wait to see their faces on Christmas morning. It is so easy for me to get wrapped up in whatever creative activity I am engaging in; yet, the warmth you ignited within me reminded me that my life's greatest joy is spending time with you in worship. It is my way of saying thank you for all of my life's blessings.

Keep me faithful,
dear God;
help me
keep focus
on what
is important.
Today as
I began
to sing
our Advent song,
I recognized
the faith
you brought me.
Alone
I cannot
manufacture faith;
it too
is a gift.
Thank you
for my exuberance
for life.
Thank you
for faith
and worship.
Thank you
most of all
for being
an active presence
in my life.
I owe you everything!

Love, Andrea

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dear God,

I was writing you when five-year-old Lucy wandered in to the new room just off the living room. As always when grandchildren come to visit, she came to my chair and crawled up on my lap. As we sat there in quiet silence, my arms wrapped around her in a big hug, I pointed her to the emerging dawn. "Look, Lucy, see the light coming up? Every new day God gives us the light as a gift." She nodded in agreement and then told me she knew something that was even better than the light. When I asked her what it was, she confidently responded, "God and Jesus".

I thought to myself. Will Lucy always think that? Will she grow up to doubt, wonder or reject these early beliefs? Will she allow faith to grow inside her? Will she carry this discerning knowledge with her every day frequently turning to it to inform her decision making? Will she rely on faith to help her weather the storms of life? Will she trust the One who holds the gray clouds?

I have the real privilege of spending quality time with my grandchildren. We don't get as much time as we would like but whatever time we do have, we make good use of it by singing or playing or imagining or doing fun things. Because the kids enjoy their cousins so much they usually come in twos, the little ones or big ones or all of them together. We laugh so much and I always squeeze them with big hugs and tell them I love them. I want them to know they are right when they say God and Jesus are the best. May they never fail to say a good word about you.

Thank you
for parents
who teach
their children
about you,
Good God.
Thank you
for teachers
and friends
who model
the Christian life
and by example
offer it
to growing children.
Thank you
for all those
who have shared
with my grandchildren.

Love, Andrea

Friday, November 26, 2010

Dear God,

We were late arriving at the mall. By 9:30 a.m. we had to circle several times to find a place to park. But no problem, my daughter and I planned a few hours to shop and what we were able to purchase was fine with us.

It was when we walked into Macy's that a strange emotion hit me. I brushed it off as we selected several items from the men's department and got into a long line. Finally, I turned to my daughter and shared what I was feeling.

Thirteen years ago this same daughter and a friend strongly urged me to go Christmas shopping although I was not up to it. I was taking pain pills for two painful biopsies. I had breast cancer and knew my breast would be removed the day after Christmas. The shopping frenzy was nauseating to me as I watched people shop for items most of us don't need and spending money that could better be spent elsewhere.

That day I wondered if we had all lost our minds and our faith. It seemed as if holiday shopping itself was our Christmas delight. No mind that you were reentering our world for yet another glorious celebration of the birth of your son. I have to confess that I thought it would be better to be honest and just say it was a secular holiday void of any religious meaning. That way we could stop pretending that we were part of the party.

I had my successful surgery on December 26 and I reveled in the joy I felt as I leaned wholly on you before, during and after my recovery. You were the sole source of my hope and peace. My faith soared as I learned to trust as never before and it didn't have as much to do with the victory over cancer as much as the reality of your 24/7 presence as I faced one of the most difficult challenges of my life.

I don't like to shop but I do like to give, to share part of myself with others. Every Christmas season I am reminded that the only reason for the season is truly the birth of a savior into the cosmos. I am just a teeny speck in the design of eternity and I need to be shaken every season to remember why Christmas exists. Keep reminding me, Good Lord, keep reminding me.

Let your spirit
stir within me
recalling to mind
the wondrous gift
of Christ.
Refine me,
cleanse me,
and make
me ready
not only
to receive him
but also
to give
him away
to others.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Dearest God,

Reconciliation is sweet; your mercy and compassion are sweeter yet. Today as I sat in the family room with 30 plus others, the sounds of happy children playing, siblings sharing stories, and welcome greetings being given to all who entered caused my soul to swell with delight. A few years ago this was not possible.

The potential for transformation comes as you give new opportunities for life change. A shift in the environment occurs and we awaken from our deep sleep. Suddenly our reality is altered and the possibility for change presents itself. Faith speaks to us revealing the way to newness of life. In that moment our wound's crust opens to the light and healing begins as we take hold of the new day.

As I sat near my brother and daughter eating our Thanksgiving feast, I realized I was living my answered prayer. We had been broken, fractured, cast off from one another. Living apart, allowing our wounds to fester, we lived in smaller worlds where blame and judgement directed every day. As long as we focused our eyes on the wrongdoing, we remained paralyzed by fear and anger. But then a fresh breath of your spirit breeze blew in and we found ourselves awakening at the same time. The warmth of your spirit melted our cold stone hearts and we began to see one another in a new light, the glorious light of your Son.

Who is
as powerful
as you,
Mighty God?
Who can
move mountains
like you?
None,
O God,
none.
All glory
goes to you
now and
forever more.

Love, Andrea

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Dearest God,

Do you ever get tired of hearing me say I'm thankful? Do you ever weary of my gratitude?

You see, Lord, I see everything as gift. I don't take anything for granted. I didn't enter this world with the attitude that I was owed everything or even anything. Even now my mind is boggled by the many blessings I have received in life. I feel loved. I know your grace has been at work in me. I believe you created me with a seed faith, one that through the years could be nurtured and grown. I feel joy and a lot of it, like one of those party fountains that keeps overflowing its bank. Hope is alive in me and as I reflect back, I know that hope has never been dead, maybe dormant for a while, but never dead.

As I make my pies and deviled eggs for Thanksgiving just like Grandma Hughes made them, I will remember how goodness and mercy has followed me all the days of my life.

Thank you,
dear God,
for faith
that keeps
me centered
on you.
I may stray,
even wander
a bit
but always
I return
to you.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dear God,

What inspires someone to give? What keeps them giving?

I watched Oprah today, something I rarely do. I watched her special show giving away many of her ultimate favorite things from popcorn to pots and pans, diamond ear rings to Volkswagen Beetles. She asked companies to provide all the same gifts to every member of her audience. From the look on Oprah's face, she was having a ball watching the audience made up primarily of caregiving teachers react to the gift giving. I watched and wept.

Although I know I have asked the question before, what does inspire generosity? Several years ago when a commercial plane went down with hundreds of passengers, what inspired one of the male passengers to rescue one after another in the icy water? What kept him going until he quietly slipped under the surface and never came back up?

Why not make us all generous? Why not build sacrificial giving into our DNA? Why not make giving a prerequisite for human living? What is it about some who are just prone to give?

What makes some
of us generous
and others
of us stingy?
What makes us
who we are?
What can
you do
to refashion us
to care,
not just
for ourselves
but others
as well?
Give us
the same kind
of love
that motivated you
to give
your life
for us,
dear Christ.
Make us
like you,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dear God,

On Sunday morning our pastor talked about the cross. As he asked people on the days leading up to Sunday morning what the cross meant to them, people responded differently. My first response was to kiss it. Why? Because the memory of Henri Nouwen taking down the crucifix and handing it to one of the handicapped men at Daybreak Community is still fresh in my mind. How much can one love you?

Images of the cross flashed across my mind. The crosses in the holy city of Jerusalem. The crosses at Christ in the Desert Monastery. The cross at Carmel in Israel. The crosses at the Carmelite Monastery. The crosses at St. Joseph Retreat Center. The crosses along roads across America. The cross Rev. TK held up to the wall at the Ankaase Faith Healing Hospital in Ankaase, Ghana. The crosses in Egypt, Greece, France, Italy, Jordan, and England. The cross that hangs above and in front of the congregation at Calvary. The cross at the Abbey of Gethsemane. The various crosses I have purchased and carried on the way of the cross in the old city of Jerusalem, the same crosses I gave to confirmands on the day of their confirmation. The variety of crosses I purchased at holy sites such as Corinth, Taize, Bethlehem and Assisi. The Palm Sunday crosses we made out of palm branches. The cross at Shepherd of the Hills in Missouri. The cross under which I stood at the Cathedral of Notre Dame. The cross at Brother Roger's grave. The crosses at the American Cemetery in Normandy. I have seen thousands of crosses across my lifetime in churches from Atlanta, Indiana to Lucerne, Switzerland. I am always stilled as I ponder just one scarred, blood-stained wooden cross used to kill a man.

Am I worthy to wear a cross on my necklace, on a stole around my shoulders or on a tee shirt? No, of course not. I am not worthy to wear any of them. The cross is so far removed from me; yet, your own son made it possible for me to claim my identity as a Christian believer. When I act pompous, arrogant or smug, I fail to remember that a cross claimed my life. I have nothing about which to be anything but humble.

Today's message caused me once again to pause, to remember, to give thanks, to weep, to confess, and to let my faith grow and my love increase.

Thank you,
God of Possibility,
for reaching
into the heart
of a wanderer,
for one
who strays
off the path
to do
my own thing.
Let the shadow
of your cross
always fall
upon me
so I
will not forget
the price paid
for my existence,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, November 21, 2010

My dearest God,

Repetition, it seems, is important and valuable as a way of remembering and renewing faith. I couldn't always understand why the Jewish people historically kept recalling to mind in worship their freedom from bondage in Egypt. Yet, each generation must rekindle the memory in order for the power of the miracle to replenish faith.

This came home to me yesterday when my daughter called to talk about Thanksgiving. We teased and laughed and made plans for her and her family to stay with us and enjoy the feast at another daughter's home. As I listened to her voice, heard her words and her laughter, I remembered your wondrous gift to us when we were reconciled after 13 years. I remember when a conversation was not possible. Everything is dramatically different now. You, O God, made reconciliation a possibility. I still don't know how you did it; I just know you made it happen.

It was three or was it four years ago this week when I was on the mountain in Abiquiu, New Mexico living in silence except for worship eight times a day with the monastics at Christ in the Desert. A supreme time of quiet listening, walking, reflecting, reading and sitting in your presence, as always I was led to your will for my life. As I remained still, you came to me whispering truth, not the truth as I understood it, but so much more. You urged me to surrender all those things that served as obstacles to faith, grace, hope and love. As I relented, giving up my need to control my life and environment, you renewed my life in you and the life you started in me. The days apart in an isolated part of the country where the only sound at times is the flap of eagle's wings, were yet another blessing, another gift, another miracle in my life. I released what you asked me to let go. In an act of your grace in me, I truly opened myself wide, reaching for heaven, letting go of all that weighed me down. I did not do as you asked for some later result but rather because you asked. Your grace was enough for me. When finally clearing out the nasty clutter in my soul, you opened me to a new way of seeing things around me. As I left the beautiful home to the Benedictine monks, I triumphed over my fear of heights as I drove down the mountain, a task I could not do before as fear gripped me in the somewhat perilous drive up. The joy I felt as I drove the 13 miles down the sacred mountain to the highway was unspeakable. I could only allow my being to quietly praise and give thanks.

When arriving in Santa Fe and finding a cell phone signal, I saw that several calls were waiting for me. Two daughters had called begging me to call them as soon as I could. Making two calls and reaching one, I heard the incredible news that my other daughter was planning to come for Thanksgiving, a first in 13 years. The rest is history as you brought a broken family back together mending the cracks with love from on high.

Take all the
glorias and hallelujahs
that fill
my soul
with joy;
they all belong
to you.
Gracious God,
your gifts
are so many
and so wonderful
renewing life
and hope
again and again.
Let me
praise you
with all
I am
because of
your great mercy
and compassion.
My whole family
celebrates your
Thanksgiving gift
to us.
Wondrous God,
you are filled
with miracles.
Your love
is greater
than all
human love
put together.
Let us repeat
our praise
and thanks
to you
again and
again and again.

Love always, Andrea

Saturday, November 20. 2010

My dearest God,

I listened to a song this morning and it so gripped me that I found myself tumbling into a next level experience. In Susan Boyle's rendition of Hallelujah, she sings about the conflict between good and evil and the sweetness of good's triumph. Yet, Hallelujah is a dark song of sin and its robbing power, its ability to break us and others around us. Its web of deceit destroys and yet your divine power still has a way of entering the scene conquering even the worst in us. This mysterious power eases into us penetrating even the deepest depths of stone cold resistance.

As I tuned my ears to the words Susan sang, I felt your spirit's movement. Tears formed and fell as I reflected on the many times darkness has overtaken me. Sin that stung, breaking down my desire to love unconditionally, stealing my ability to trust enough to surrender those parts that make up my existence when I fail to trust you and live life on my own terms, and finally causing me to turn away as if you didn't even exist. But just as I remembered my own brokenness, you brought to mind the glorious blessing of sacred power that wooed me back, embracing me with love from on high that heals and holds, divinity conquering human sin while loving the child, overwhelming me with grace so deep and wide, I was utterly covered.

I heard the sound of overflowing mercy and compassion, like the river of joy the psalmist shares in Psalm 46. I wondered again how you could love so much a selfish people interested primarily in their own will and way and at the same time, I knew that I knew that I knew the One whose mission it is to love.

Wondrous and Beautiful God,
I can only sing
my own hallelujahs
to you.
God so Full of Grace,
my holy benefactor,
I bow down,
my face
to the floor
knowing there is
no greatness
in me
that makes
me worthy
of your devotion.
Yet, you are God,
Yahweh,
Forgiving Christ,
Great Redeemer,
Good Comforter,
Love Itself,
there is none
like you
in all
the cosmos.
Receive all
the love
I have
this moment
in my heart.
For you are worthy,
you are worthy,
you are worthy,
Splendid One,
you are worthy.

Love, Andrea

Friday, November 19, 2010

Dearest God,

One of my favorite movies is Awakenings. I love the way the doctor works to awaken people from the deep sleep of Alzheimer's, dementia and memory loss. I love it when the main character begins to move from his catatonic state. The slow, quiet process of coming back to life is both miraculous and a real thing of beauty.

My father had Alzheimer's for ten years and we agonized as we watched him slowly slip away from us. It was so difficult especially since Daddy was fun-loving, witty, and sharp as a tack in remembering dates, figures, and places. Every time I went to visit him, I cried. I wanted him to wake up, to call out my name and to share an experience we always enjoyed together like eating freshly picked garden tomatoes over the sink with a salt shaker in our other hand, spelling hard words, or talking about all kinds of things, laughing as we shared. But instead of coming back to life, he died.

Today I felt an awakening in my soul. Something came to life inside me. I can't completely say what it was but I felt it nonetheless. It was as if I had been in a dead sleep and suddenly began to wake up. It felt like an early morning stirring, a coming to consciousness. It felt good; whatever it is, I want it to fully awaken.

There have been those times in my life when I was asleep in some part of my soul. I simply could not wake up. Like being in a deep sleep or in an induced coma during surgery, it seemed impossible to do anything but live in that state. However, through your mercy work, you gently began to shake me and I miraculously started to stir. Those initial moments started me on a new path toward mending broken pieces in my person. New doors opened, new perspectives and avenues appeared and I found myself taking new steps toward a new life. I did not die; in fact my dying condition dramatically changed and I came to life, all by your hand.

Awaken me
to your will
for my life,
O God.
Speak to me
the words
you want me
to hear.
Set before me
the path
you want me
to take.
Shine your light
so I
will follow.
Thank you
for your
glorious awakening power.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Dearest God,

What is it that inspires a person to make a difference in the world? What causes an individual to focus on a cause and then reach out to others touching their lives with happiness, hope, and love? What sustains a successful program that continues to transform human lives?

Whenever I hear about a person whose self-giving compassion is making a difference in someone else's life, I want to hear about it. I want to listen to their story. I want to know the joy that is being spread.

On the nightly news they are reporting on persons who are making a difference. Tonight it was about a woman who had multiple sclerosis and yet fulfilled her father's dream of providing trained dogs to those who needed them. As I watched puppies being trained and dogs opening doors or ringing bells, I was amazed. When I saw the dogs brought forth to their companions for the first time, I observed how happy the particular dog was to be connected. Joy filled the room as the child, teen or adult experienced unconditional love from their new companion. "I love him already," the handicapped teen said as she hugged the happy dog who was licking her like crazy.

What if we all lived to make a difference? What if we committed ourselves to usher in a new day in our world by doing something to touch, inspire, help, and love another person? What if we did it every day in some way or another? O God, what would a truly happy world look like?

Teach us
to reach out,
to touch
and inspire,
to help
and give,
to share
and grace
the lives
of others.
Show us
your way,
Loving God,
make us
to love
as you love,
to give
as you give,
to share
as you share.
Help us
to walk
in your footprints,
always knowing
that they
will lead us
to someone else.

Love, Andrea

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dearest God,

Over the course of my lifetime I have felt the pinch of compromise. The challenge to consider another way over my own has at times felt threatening, especially in terms of relationships. The question would always come: How much do I give away in order to gain approval of someone else?

During the stressful trauma of one of the most painful, difficult times of my life, with a death grip I held on to my beliefs, my way of doing things, my sense of how things were. I thought if I loosened my grip, I would lose my footing, stumble and fall. In such low estate, I believed I would totally lose myself and then where would I be? I realized that the other person in one way or another felt the same way. Where it led was nowhere, a stalemate, two fearful, stubborn persons trapped in their own murky conditions.

But then you called out. Even as I heard your call to shift, to alter my position, I felt a sting. How much do I give away until there is nothing left of me? As you gently took hold of me, you reminded me that there is more to me than me. The power to love, to change, to forgive, to move, to surrender, to take hold is yours. I do not operate under my own power. Yes, you have given me the ability to think, to discern, to rationalize, and to choose; yet, you have also proven to me, revealed to me a divine power that shakes things up, settles them down, and provides a new look, a differing perspective. In those moments you teach me how to peel back the fingers of my grip, how to take a deep breath, how to consider other options and how to trust you to guide me toward a better decision. What seemed impossible before becomes a possibility.

Today my husband and I picked out new carpet for two rooms of our home. As we considered the numerous samples that lay before us, we found things we liked, not always agreeing. However, as we each shared what we liked and why, we listened and within minutes we made our selections. The little exercise was a good one as I learned again that compromise can be sweet.

What do I get if I always get my way? I get my way. But so what? What is the value of my way? What is it worth to me? If I pile up all the times I get my way, I will only have a pile of my own way. As I reflect upon the absurdity of always getting my way, I realize what I will miss, how much I will fail to see. The world will become dull, boring, without life.

One of the life lessons you have taught me is compromise. You have shown me the great value of seeing through a different lens. You have pointed out colors that I did not see before. You have revealed pieces about which I was not aware. You have opened my ears to hear more than I was able to before. As these gifts came to me, you breathed into me the ability, the skill of letting go, releasing my will and way for a better way and suddenly a new world opened up before me.

Who wields
the power
of transformation?
Only you,
my God,
only you.
You reveal
so much
to us,
Great and Wondrous God;
you teach us
lessons so valuable
they are
surely priceless,
invaluable.
Thank you
for compromise,
for its sweetness.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Dearest God,

Today I watched you at work melting resentment and bitterness. Much as my own dissolved more than a year ago, I saw the amazing wonder occur before my eyes.

How do you do it? How do you take a hardened heart and then soften and melt it? What is at work creating the miracle?

I know what causes a heart to grow cold, to begin the hardening process and finally to become a hardened heart. It has happened to me. I've seen it take place in my family, in the church and in the world. But to reverse it, wow.

A heart that begins to thaw is one in your hands. Sometimes only your hands can change a human heart. A hardened heart held in your hands is one with a chance for life, one that has the potential for transformation. Like a caterpillar that creates its own death chamber, the potential is set for new life to begin. And what lovely radiance comes forth. To watch a new colorful butterfly take flight and soar is a thing of beauty. To observe a grounded, rootless, sour human being changed by your hands and lift up, shaking off negative beliefs, habits and old ways is a rare display of beautiful grace. No one can deny your work.

Is there anything
more lovely
than your grace
at work?
Is there anything
more wondrous
than your love
enfolding us?
Amazing God,
you are
the true beauty
at work
within our world.
Your mercy
and compassion
give us
second chances.
How grateful
are we
to be embraced
by your
life-giving hands!

All my love, Andrea

Monday, November 15, 2010

Dearest God,

I have watched the struggle. I have listened to the hurtful words, the innuendos, the bashing and the constant demeaning. I have seen what happens when people are at a stalemate. I know what it does to individuals. So very destructive.

This hasn't been focused on me but on a family member. It's frustrating when you can't help but be loving and supportive. I hate to see what harm comes to so many when this kind of behavior takes place. It actually has the potential to damage the next generation. I've seen it happen.

When I awakened this morning, your words came to me. "Grace, some things can only be healed by grace." No amount of judgement, blaming, or damaging criticism can positively change lives. And when you do the same thing over and over again, you always get the same negative result.

How many times have you whispered life lessons to me? How many times have you sought to change my attitude, words, and behavior? Have often have you put me through the trials of fire in order to be transformed? How many times?

Yet, in your wisdom, by grace, faith and hope you forge a new person, a new family, a new community. Your work inspires miracles to happen when individuals are willing to trust you. Only when I was bent down low like a willow branch could I see your feet, know your gracious presence and surrender my own way and will to yours. You could always see more than I could.

I pray
for my
family member,
O God.
I praise
for your wisdom
to be
at work
saving this one
and their family.
Let your
spirit breeze blow
enabling healing,
hope, and courage
to grow,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Dear God,

How is it possible that the mere mention of a name can elicit a powerful spiritual response?

Today in church our pastor told us about his personal relationship with a man he has never met. He regards Henri Nouwen as one of his greatest mentors and friends. Henri, a writer, pastor, professor and real person just happens to be one of mine as well.

Last night during the worship service Todd told us the story about Henri leaving Harvard to be the priest at Daybreak. I have to admit that I closed my eyes when he shared his name. From there I traveled to Daybreak, a community of handicapped persons in Canada. I wandered through the community into the chapel where I observed the people at mass. Through Henri's personal struggles, he brought the living Jesus to those who gathered.

One time he was led to take the cross with the crucified Christ down from the wall. He then took it and gave it to one of the residents. Henri watched as the man lovingly kissed Jesus and wept. As he passed the savior from one person to another, he was deeply moved to tears as each responded to the gift of life. Stirred by their devotion and loyalty Henri was able to move through a painful time in his own life.

My own heart was moved as I listened to Todd share about Henri. I felt close to you as I realized that not only had Todd ushered me to Henri but Henri had moved me once again to your feet. I felt a rush of love toward you as I considered how your love is at work in the world. I was glad to have worshipped on Saturday and Sunday to hear the story, to make the brief pilgrimage, and to look upon the Redeemer whose love heals every wound, mends every heart, renews and restores relationships, offers grace, picks up broken pieces and scatters hope.

Wondrous God,
full of
saving grace
and deep,
abiding love,
I thank you
for the blessings
contained in
every worship service.
I thank you
for today's journey,
for Todd,
for Henri,
for your Son.

Love, Andrea

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Dearest God,

How often have you heard me praying for Bill and Cindy, Jan and Susan, and the Sisters, the Sisters and the Sisters? Every day, sometimes twice daily.

Thank you, dear God, for bringing these cherished friends into my life. More than 22 years ago you brought Bill and Nancy to me. We were seminary friends. Nancy invited us to form a covenant group and so we did at the Carmelite Monastery. Every Wednesday we came together, drawn by an invisible spirit. We listened, we sat in silence, we prayed, we shared, we cared, we wept, laughed, teased, surrendered, praised and filled our vessels with the food of heaven. Then we worshipped with spiritual women who opened not only their doors but their hearts to us.

I had never before poured out myself to persons like I since have to these. I never trusted that much. They have seen my insides, my spiritual innards as I have seen theirs. They have spiritually wandered with me as I have with them. We have traveled to eternity and back many times circling the globe of your spirit. Through all the senses you have made known to us, together we have touched, tasted, seen, heard and smelled the wonders of creation and many of creation's wondrous gifts. We have been bound together by your love's strong cord.

And the sisters...what blessed homes they have provided for us. First, it was the Carmelites for more than 20 years. How they modeled love, forgiveness, compassion and mercy to us. And the sisters of St. Joseph where we annually retreated together for most of those years (still do), they offered us hospitality, love, comfort and fun. When the Carmelites moved south to retire, the Benedictines opened their doors to us offering hospitality, kindness and generosity. Their monastic way of living continues to touch us deeply in ways we cannot fully explain or understand.

As I pray for each of them, I sense our oneness, our spiritual union with one another. When I whisper their names, it is as if they are with me and I am with them. Together as one community we touch the gospel, allowing it to sing its message to us. We join angels and saints, all those who confess your Lordship and something happens at the sheer mention of them. I cannot begin to comprehend what comes; I just know I meet you every time I call out their names.

Today as I write about Bill, Cindy, Jan, Susan, the Carmelites, the Sisters of St. Joseph and the Benedictines, I know how blessed I am. I know how much they have given me. I know and am eternally grateful.

Blessed God,
Giver of Every Good Gift,
I wonder
why you have
so blessed
my life
with the gifts
of heaven.
I wonder why
you have
allowed me
to touch
and handle
things unseen,
invisible gifts
of your spirit.
I wonder why
my life
is so rich
and awash
with your grace.
I am full
to overflowing
with gratitude.

Love, Andrea

Friday, November 12, 2010

Dearest God,

I am a poor relative! I do not call my uncles and aunts, cousins and siblings like I need to. I think about them early in the morning before dawn or sometimes at night as my head gets comfortable on the pillow as I pray. I love them dearly but fail to make a single call.

Sometimes I allow the busyness of the day to rob me of moments with people I love very much. Yes, a room may look better because I cleaned it but so what? How does it stack up next to connecting with precious family who have helped give shape to my life, bringing me so much joy and making my life more meaningful? It doesn't!

Remind me again and again of the beautiful relationships I have in my life. Bring to my mind the ways in which they shared love, encouragement, kindness and challenge with me. Teach me to count my blessings and make those calls!

O God,
help me
to break habits
that sometimes
get a hold
on me,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, November 11, 2010

My dear God,

I am behind in my writing. I have not been faithful every day to stay current in both my writing and spending the first precious hour of the day with you. So I am left with remembering, trying to call to mind the significant moments of a day that happened the day before, two days before and sometimes even three. I am sorry.

I am living in chaos, not the emotional kind but rather the one where my house is literally turned upside down. We are renovating two rooms, the basement and the screened in porch. Right now stuff is stuffed everywhere stuff usually is not. My desk is in the hall. My art supplies (stained glass, sewing, cards, Christmas bags, and pictures are in a variety of strange places like the dining room, living room, kitchen and my car. I can't even unload my auto of art fair stuff because I have nowhere to place the items. I have plastic boxes of all shapes and sizes in the basement waiting to transfer items from the garage into boxes that will be placed inside the closet that I am having to completely clean out because we need to put 47 years plus 21 years of ministry into it. I am sorting, organizing, pitching, putting into garage sale boxes and boxing up items to put in the attic that we are also cleaning out in order to put stuff from the garage and closet in it. Whew!

The one thing that keeps me sane is knowing you are the one constant in my life. Your presence is apparent to me each day. How do I know? Well, the sun comes up in the same place every dawn. The moon appears in the same place every night. I know the sun either bright shining or hidden above gray clouds is right overhead at noon. I know that fall will follow summer and summer will follow spring and spring will follow winter. I know that love does not die overnight and that the darkness still has to give way to the light. I know that hope exists; otherwise, why would anyone rise to begin their day. I take great comfort knowing you remain in place 24/7; you are in each teeny atom. There is no place where you are not.

And so, sitting among my chaos, I breathe in, trying to filter out the dust of five months when we were gone knowing that all is well, just as it always is with you.

God, you are
full of grace.
You must
look at
your children
and wonder
why we
put ourselves
in the places
we do.
Thanks for
not holding it
against us.
Thank you
for daily reminders
of your presence,
like the
sweet scent
of love,
hope and faith.
Believe me,
I am
eternally grateful.
I'll try
to do better
with my
early morning hours
with you.

Love, Andrea

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dear God,

Why do some people have murderous hearts? Why do individuals take the lives of others? Why do people abuse, rape and pillage the human soul? Why? Why? Why?

Can we change our DNA? Can we make ourselves more truly human? Can we alter the path onto which we were born, the one someone chose for us, not yours? Can we tear unwanted, evil strands of humanity that cause us to be someone you did not intend?

I feel such sadness when I hear of great tragedies, one person destroying another. Bullies whose intent is destruction of the human soul. What has happened to us? How can we dramatically transform ourselves into creation's design of loveliness?

O God,
rid us
of the ability
to be evil,
corrupt, demeaning
and destructive.
Take away
from us
all that
is not you.
Cleanse our hearts,
minds and souls
so that
we may fashion
a deep vessel
of love
waiting to
be filled
by you.
Come, Lord Jesus,
come, I pray.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Dearest God,

What a day! I was asked to do a memorial service for special friends in southern Indiana. Little did I know I would spend a good part of the day learning another life lesson.

I got up early and worked on my meditation. Check! I worked on the downstairs closet. Check! I did laundry and cleaned a bathroom. Check! I took my shower and got dressed. Check! I drove to Plainfield in the morning and went to the wrong funeral home. No check there. I made two calls to cell phones and got voicemail. No check. Five minutes later I got a call with directions and drove straight there. Check, check!

At the last minute I decided to ride in the funeral car with the director. Check, check, check! For the next 2 1/2 hours we drove through southern Indiana, taking first one road, then another. We hit a road closed sign and took a detour. We turned right, then left, then right again. We moved from one country road to another, never feeling quite sure of where we were. A couple of times I took the map while the director made calls. I wondered if we would ever make it especially since I had a growing headache. I conducted the service while my head pain grew. Finally, the service was over but we couldn't find the excavator who we later found smoking a cigarette under a tree across the road and down the way. But before we left someone told us we could travel a shorter route back and take the parallel road next to the closed road. By the time I got home my head was splitting and I felt sick to my stomach. No check.

Today's lesson was about learning to trust when you're lost and going with the flow when things don't turn out the way you think they will. There were times when I felt frustrated today; yet, I felt your challenge to be at peace. I knew I had an important mission and I wanted to meaningfully fulfill it but the detour made us late by more than an hour and it was another 15 to 20 minutes before we began the service. Most of the time I had no idea where we were and what time we were going to get there but we did make it. As the family gathered at the grave they felt the sting of loss and grief and for them time stood still as they remembered with great affection the woman whose absence was apparent.

Learning to let go and trust you is a lesson I continue to learn. Perhaps I am stubborn, resistant and unwilling at times to surrender; therefore, you put me in situations where I need to learn the lesson again. I learned it today. Check!

Loving God,
thank you
for grace
that carries us
through life.
Thank you
for lessons
that refuse
to leave us
where we are.
Thank you
for unfamiliar journeys
that teach.

Love, Andrea

Monday, November 8, 2010

Dear God,

Harold and I were so tired today. He had been gone for three days with family. I had worked all weekend on our art fair. So we just rested, took it easy and lived quietly all day.

What a change from earlier years when we both felt such demands upon us. We had little time together and when we did have time we were both exhausted, worn out from the daily rigors of life and work. When we had any extra time which was rare, we often failed to attend to our own needs. Alas, life spun out of control.

Yet today in my husband's arms, I recognized your grace. I saw the benefits of trusting you for our individual lives and our life together. I witnessed the constancy of your love, mercy and compassion. I smelled the sweet scent of compassion and forgiveness and I could only give thanks.

How merciful,
kind and compassionate
you are,
Loving God.
Your love
reaches out
into the
dark beyond
embracing us all.
To you
I owe everything.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Dear God,

The moment I hear the first notes of Great is Thy Faithfulness, I feel the tug of eternity. I sense your gracious presence and I know for certain faith is alive. Not only do I love the lyrics that speak my faith better than any other, I love the notes that come together bringing the gospel spirit. The song challenges me to reflect upon your grace as it appears to me everyday. It ushers me into an expression of gratitude.

A long time ago I selected this hymn to be sung at my memorial service. Because I believe you are creation's faithful God, I want the message to be sung again. If it opens one eye, one mind, one soul to you, then the joy I experience each time I hear it played will reach out further. I believe the psalmist is correct when he says your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.

Daily you call me to be grateful, to live with a spirit of thanksgiving. Every day is not perfect. Every day does not bring me what I want. However, what I receive daily from you is worthy of great praise. Gratitude, you remind me, is the key to a meaningful life.

Gracious and Loving God,
every day
you fill me
with blessing.
You open
heaven's door
and allow me
to peek inside.
You allow me
to experience
heaven and earth's
greatest joy
which is
the simple ability
of knowing you.
How can
my heart
not be grateful?

Love always, Andrea

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Dearest God,

People came; they came to our art fair. We had spent a good deal of time creating items to sell as gifts for Christmas, wooden chairs, stained glass, designer aprons, recently published cookbooks, contemplative note cards, soup, beverage, and dessert mixes, jewelry and hooked rugs, to name a few. Nice people came.

One thing I noticed, dear God, it was fun offering free hot apple cider and friendly hospitality. It felt good to welcome persons to our mini Christmas experience. Each time someone walked into the front room, I felt a sense of your spirit at work. Sometimes a warm welcome led someone to share a tiny slice of their life with us. I think the Christmas music softened hearts toward that dramatic event so long ago yet so fresh every season. It seemed as important to me to talk and listen to people as it was to make sales. I liked that.

Throughout the day my sister who was our artist seamstress and I remembered earlier years together. We laughed and teased. How fun it was to fill the rooms with laughter and joy. A couple of friends came and together we shared how faith has been at work changing our lives. How glorious to give credit where credit is due you.

Perhaps it was the music or the friendship or the hot cider or frosties all over the place or the beautiful items we had made or maybe it was you in our presence that made the day a lovely one.

Thank you,
Gracious and Loving God,
for your
marvelous presence.
Thank you
for bringing people together
to revel
in life.
Thank you
for your
over-flowing fountain
of joy
that spills over
from one person
to another.
Thank you,
dearest God,
for you.

Love, Andrea

Friday, November 5, 2010

Dear God,

I witnessed the fruition of many prayers, a giant leap of faith, and sacrificial giving. Our church had prayed for a sign from heaven to move forward in ministry to others. Because we were located in an incredibly diverse township, a medium size congregation (so named by those who do those things) with an older populus median age of 55 plus, and in the midst of a flat-line population in the township with a good number fleeing west to the next county, it was difficult to trust you and ourselves. We labored for years to step up to the plate, to commit to the next move and to take off running to the destination you had chosen for us. Whew! What a time!

Yet, there I sat in the new Family Life Center, a gym for sports, and community building for those groups who needed it. We were participating in a missions fundraiser where dollars meant bridges to needy persons downtown and around the world. Although retired I was delighted to share in the meal and auction.

What I find, what I have discovered, what you have revealed is that trusting you always leads to a good place, a meaningful experience, a deepened level of faith, significant joy and a sense of your grace. Trusting you, saying yes to a pilgrimage into the relative unknown and walking, sometimes skipping, running and jumping along the journey with our very best Friend is an amazing occasion that creates memories for a lifetime, memories that will pop from the page and speak in dark, despairing or frightening times. It births courage and strength where doubt and fear tend to reside. Trust, the true gift of heaven!

How gracious
you are,
Master of Creation,
how loving,
kind and full
of compassion.
Thank you
for never
giving up
on us.
Thank you
for lining
our paths
with mercy,
hope, comfort,
and love.
We are
so blessed,
so very blessed.

Love, Andrea

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Dear God,

Laughter, that deep emotion that rattles your insides, entered our home today when my sister came to visit. She began talking about some funny old memories that literally kept my husband guffawing on the floor. I laughed because they were laughing. I wasn't sure we could stop.

One thing I have learned is that a good laugh gives the soul a good cleanout. Those stuck places are unsettled by laughter. The cobwebs that appear over time are shaken, ripped and torn. A good laugh can literally rid the soul of unwanted, unnecessary holdings that have paralyzed the soul. A good laugh can move the darkness on allowing the bright sun to shine once again.

When my sister and I are together, we frequently laugh. We tell stories on each other. We give our weary souls opportunity to travel new distances in our relationship. We call each other Pal. We celebrate our sisterhood so we laugh.

Thank you,
Great God,
for the gift
of laughter,
for all
it does
to clean, heal,
help and guide.
Thank you
for my
dear sister.

Love, Andy (what my sister calls me when she's not calling me Pal)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

My dearest God,

Joy comes in little packages, doesn't it? Two of my granddaughters came to visit while their dad and my husband talked about a new furnace. Even though I was ready to drop, put on my pjs, watch an hour of television and go to bed, they were anxious to play a game so we played three.

Sophie and Stella are 9 and 6 respectively. Their eyes sparkle when we are together. They laugh when I tickle them or call them "cheatface" or "liebag". So much joy wells up when we play together. Their "I love you, Grandma" always puts a smile on my face.

As joy walks through my swinging door, I always know you have come to visit me!

Thank you,
O God,
for special joys,
for grandchildren,
for laughter,
for love.
Tonight
I had
all four.

Love, Andrea

Tuesday, November 2,2010

Dearest God,

What is to become of our nation? On a television show this week, they were asking the question: "Is civility dead?" The commentator talked about how rude our country has become. In a recent survey people were interviewed about how they were treated or how they treat others. A famous actor was interviewed later on the show about a reality show he stars in where people yell and scream at one another, treat each other poorly, name call and generally do not practice any kind of standard for the way people should live their lives together. He completely sidestepped the question when queried about the model, the example the show gives to young people who mostly watch the program.

The survey showed that we have become more aggresive, less forgiving, rude, impolite, and unmerciful. We talk on our cellphones in inappropriate places, we pull out in front of others, we shove and push, we strike out at one another at the slightest provocation and we even forget our manners saying please and thank you. We want our way and we want everyone else to want our way. We have forgotten to practice the golden rule.

How do we reclaim our willingness and ability to care for one another? How do we rid ourselves of those practices and habits that push people to the sidelines? How do we surrender our need for dominance, for control and power? How do we eradicate gestures, words, and behaviors that damage and destroy persons? How do we return to you?

Call us out,
O God,
call us home
to where
love always reigns.
Remind us
whose we are
and how loved
we are.
Teach us again
the way
of mercy
and compassion.
Whisper to us
our need
for one another,
not to
dominate or control,
not to
fill our every
want and need,
but to walk with,
comfort, encourage,
give hope, affirm,
and love.
Help us
reach higher
for standards
that give life
rather than
take it away.
Save our nation,
make us great
in all
that really matters
so we
may serve
as an example
to the world,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Monday, November 1, 2010

My dearest God,

Keeping sight of you while I attend to my creative activities is always a challenge for me. Thinking of you, practicing my faith, praying for the world and loving and serving others at the same time I am expending a lot of time and energy making things for our art fair is sometimes difficult. I want to live a balanced life with you at the very center of my existence.

There is no doubt about it, I can get fixed on a task. I can go the distance in attaining a goal even though it can cost me. I can forget my priorities and settle for less each day. When I become aware of forgetting to pray or becoming disappointed or upset over minor things, I suddenly realize my balanced world is slowly slipping out of control.

It is in moments when I feel the swirl and twirl of a life losing its center that I feel your gentle tug. I always know who it is that calls. Tears threaten and the revelation causes me to pause, to give thanks to you who never leaves me. I declare my mistake, my error, my sin and you pick me up reminding me of the cost of a life left without God.

In the sweet moments of reunion, I am reminded of what is most valuable to me, what my true priority is.

Never let me
walk away
from you,
dearest God.
Remind me
of the joy
that comes
in a steadfast
and sure relationship
with you.
Teach me
to trust,
to give myself
each morning
as I awaken
to you.
Focus my attention
of what
is important.
Help me
let go
of small things
that really are
just small things.
Teach me
the way
of love
and devotion,
I pray.

Love, Andrea

Sunday, October 31, 2010

My dearest God,

As we remained in the hallway waiting for the worship service to start, I heard the prelude begin and I was drawn to step inside to listen. As I stood in the back, I closed my eyes so heaven could open. As the music continued I saw the angels and saints in white robes gathering together around the throne. Everyone was in step all desirous of praise and thanksgiving. In my mind's eye seeing heaven's activities unfold brought joy to my soul and glory to you, my Lord.

On one hand the moment was an out-of-this-world experience; yet, it was also grounded and rooted in your beloved church of which I am a part. I loved joining in, feeling a part, and sharing in the glorious adoration of heaven's own. Like a fluttering butterfly, my spirit soared.

Does everyone experience the same thing? Do they too enter through a sacred hole peering at divinity's own children singing eternity's song? Do they feel deeply the agape love of a savior?

I know there is more to church than participating in a worship service. I know your spirit is present to urge, challenge, disciple, speak, and love. I know faith is born there, grows there, and sometimes explodes there. I know everything that happens is intended to create openings into the divine.

As I worship I have the sense that my own spirit is being moved, changing moment by moment, to be in tune with whatever happens in the heavenlies. I believe that your own son appears in ways invisible to the naked eye but oh, so present in the spirit.

Glorious God,
on Sunday mornings
my heart beats
in rhythm
with yours.
Somehow in
mystical ways,
I join
the others
in celebrating
the joyous event
of worship.
I do not understand
all that happens;
I just know
you are present
on earth
and in heaven.
Guide my soul,
I pray,
dear God,
to move swiftly
at your call
to worship.
All glory belongs
to you.

Love, Andrea