Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Dearest God,

Sometimes I forget how vulnerable I am. Sometimes I am lulled into believing I can do whatever I want ignoring the realities of my own health. Sometimes I fail.

Today I stayed in the heat too long. I felt the sudden drop in energy and I knew I was in trouble. I left the store immediately and drove the five minute distance home. I climbed the stairs (a real challenge when I am losing energy) and made my way into the air conditioned room. There I laid in bed all day and night, too weak to do anything else.

Why, O Lord, do I test myself and you? Why do I think I can get around something rather than doing what I know I should do? Why do I resist your reminders to stay healthy by taking care of myself?

When I ignore you and me I almost always get into trouble. I hurt myself in some way and perhaps even you. Today it was my physical health; tomorrow it could be my spiritual health and well being. I know I cannot have a blind eye when I am offered a risky opportunity that lures me into dangerous ground to substitute stupidity for wisdom. When I enter that shadowy place, I hear the Ha! from hell.

I want to trust and live in your light every day. I want to follow you obediently step for step. I want to walk in your footprints knowing wherever you take me will always lead me to higher ground. I want to be an image of you.

Like the song,
I am weak
but thou
art strong.
I confess
my failures
and shortcomings,
my flaws
and imperfections,
my stubbornness
and selfishness.
Please forgive me,
I pray;
help me
rise up
to you.

Always, Andrea