Saturday, October 17, 2009

Dearest God,

I prayed for a simple, quiet and peaceful life. I am learning simplicity.

When I received the letter from our conference providing the insurance rates for 2010, I was stunned to discover that my health insurance will cost me 49% of my monthly income, 49%. I expected to pay double what I am paying now. But I had no idea it would rise from $270 a month to $1240. I was blown away.

I had been anxious to find out the figures so I could make a decision on how much money I could send monthly to support a United Methodist pastor in Africa who has no retirement pension. I wanted to give a gift to my former church who is building a Family Life Center. I wanted to give regular gifts to help underwrite microfinancing loans to poor African women. All this was to be in addition to tithing to the church wherever I attended. Now, I will be forced to choose between giving and utilities or food. I don't yet know what I am going to do.

As I pray for your will, I am reminded that every occurrence in life is an opportunity to rethink, reevaluate and renew my commitment to you. As I struggle to make ends meet, you bring to mind those who have no home, no food to eat, no medical care or someone to love them. You call me to pray, to be a Christian example of love in the world and to live more simply. You challenge me to consider my existence and your destiny for my life. You challenge me to build more and more trust in you. You ask me to live out of faith rather than fear.

Life is not easy but a life with you is. At any time I know I can come running to you. I know you will always have time for me. I know that you will ask me hard questions. You will test my faith. You will hold me accountable. You will request my loyalty. In return your loving grace will always be mine.

I want
to always live
a life
of gratitude,
O God.
Make me pliable,
flexible, willing
to bend,
to move
and to do
your will.
Keep teaching me
your way.

Love, Andrea