Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dear God,

Some noxious weeds have deep roots. I am still working in my garden. Although it is cold I am working against the clock to get rid of all these weeds left unattended for months. With my garden tools I am cutting, digging, uprooting and pulling these unwanted, ugly undesirables from my once beautiful garden. It is hard work.

In my virtual study I am studying a text from Hebrews wherein Paul talks about suffering leading to obedience. My weeds and suffering are kin. Like the garden my soul is filled with weeds with deep roots. When I dig down as far as I can dig to get the root, often what I get is just the top of the unsightly menace. The root remains very deep. Until I am able to excise the root, I am still going to have to face the ugliness that deeply rooted weeds bring.

I discover these truths every time someone tries to meddle with my own unsightliness. Some words, some thoughts, some actions can trigger my roots to grow even deeper. My own insecurity and vulnerability can hold desperately to the soil to protect my heart and soul. Sometimes I will fight to the finish always losing because you, O Lord, have put these challenges before me and will not let me go until the nasty roots are cleared once and for all.

Always I collapse into a heap at my own feet when the skirmish is over. I look back upon the battle and see the ways in which I have allowed myself to be pushed to the brink. In an instant replay I can play the tape watching myself in action. Always I weep at my unnecessary participation in a war that will never be won until I give up my weapons leaving myself in your hands. And I will always suffer until I am willing to trust you in that process.

The more times these events occur the more I realize my need for a disciplined obedience. If I am truly trusting you, then my deeply embedded weeds and their roots will eventually wither and die. There will be no need to hold on for protection. I will not need it because I will have you.

O God,
I grow weary
in battle.
I want
to strip down
and take off
my weapons
trusting you
to ease
my suffering.
Lead me
to obedience,
to a
disciplined life.
Reveal to me
the ways
I can learn
this trust deeper
than my
weed roots.
I know
the beauty
of such trust.
Make me beautiful,
dear God,
by removing
this emotional debris
from my soul,
I pray.

Love, Andrea