Saturday, June 13, 2015

Dear God,

You know we will deny you, don't you?  You know when the rubber hits the road and tensions run high, we will say no and run.

This morning when I read the passage from the book of John about your prediction that Peter would deny you, I pondered the ways you know I will deny you.  Would my denial be so bold in front of others?  I thought.  How do I deny?  Suddenly, sadly I was flooded with the many ways I deny you.  When I am harsh with others, when I fill myself with fear, when I choose darkness over light, when I turn away from truth, when I fail to love, when I elect not to forgive, when I hold onto resentment...the list went on and on.  Yes, you know we will deny you.

I swiftly reminded myself how important it is to stay conscious of our attitudes and behaviors.  At any moment, in any situation, we can turn and run away from you and why on earth would we want to do so?

When we judge Peter, Jesus' disciple, we judge our self.  We are just as guilty and prone to denial.  We do it in public and in private all the time.  We don't stop ourselves and think about what we are doing. 

Listening to the insight and realizing my own complicity, I breathed a prayer, "O God, forgive me a sinner."

Holy Father,
like Peter,
my heart anguishes
when I fail
to turn
to you,
when I deny,
and run away.
Forgive me, Lord;
give me
another chance,
I pray.
My feet of clay crumble often.
I want
to always run
to you first,
not last.
Teach me
once again,
the art
of trust
and faith.

Love, Andrea