Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Dear God,

You directed me to the book entitled, Praying with the Desert Mothers, which I began to read after Vigil at 4:00 a.m. at Christ in the Desert Monastery.  The first reflection exercise ushered me back fourteen years as I stayed at the bedside of my mother as she lay dying.  An insight came as I revisited those days.  Tears began to well as I saw more than I saw at the time.  You enlightened me to the gifts given during that stay.  Grace and redemption.

I left the breakfast room where I was reading and walked the short, dark path to the chapel.  There I knelt down, opening myself more fully to you.  While I longed to be here, I came to the awareness that I was not yet ready to travel with you.  But in the kneeling my eyes were opened, my heart was put on alert, and my soul was prepared to hear you speak.

There in the chapel alone I watched scenes in the interior of my mind as I became aware of so many gifts you have given me.  My blessings flooded my mind spilling over into my soul.  Tears streamed down my face as I watched you bring images of grace upon grace.  It was then I spoke.  Lord, you are my sun, the stars, and the moon; you are the air I breathe.  I do not want to waste one moment living life superficially.  I want to walk more fully, more deeply with you.  I want to be yours, wholly yours.

Minutes later when Laud began at 5:45 am the psalms lifted off the pages and they became living words.  Just yesterday they were scriptures to be read but this morning life came into them and into me.  You came to me in a desert canyon and you began the conversation.

Holy God,
your glory
fills me
when I
bow down
and listen.
In the dark,
in the quiet,
in the unexpected,
you came
to me whispering.
My heart
is full
of you,
O Lord.
Open me
to your
living word
that I
may follow
more closely,
love more deeply,
and serve you
without condition.

Love always, Andrea